Just a twinge...
Frost advisory last night - what the heck was I gonna do about my monster pumpkin patch? Well, I decided to start harvesting the old growth and called my son to see if they wanted to come pick some. I've got 10 large warty pumpkins, in addition to the 4 they took home with them, and still have about 10 more on the vine that are new growth (they're yellow - will turn white and warty - but right now don't have any warts) and the frost didn't happen, so they'll continue to grow....
After picking, we went into the house, talked about jobs, I told him about the inheritance and the problems with it, and then I asked if my son has seen his father, because his father hasn't showed up with the dog supplies that he drops off every month. Man, our conversation went another hour just about that. My son hasn't seen the X in 4 months, the reason being that the X got ANOTHER DUI and had ANOTHER seizure and has COMPLETELY gone through all that money I paid him for the house. GEES. Not only that, but the X blew off the court hearing, his 10 day jail sentence got expanded to 90.... I expect to hear about another withdrawal related seizure once they take him in. My son said there's been obvious mental deterioration, but doesn't want to call it that... that poisoning thing he was doing to me before the divorce? Well, according to my son, he was still doing it to himself, and things got so bad that the landlord where he's staying told him he had to clean up or move out - actually made the X scrub and paint the walls because grease was all over the walls as well. He's still coherent enough to clean up, and is supposedly going to one-on-one rehab as well and neither of us has heard anything more... But then my son said the X began to hang out with a guy who has 666 tattooed on his forehead who also announced he's got hepatitus. My son understandably freaked out, gave the X an ultimatum - choose between 666 guy or my son and his family... and he chose the 666 guy. I feel so bad for my son... and then we discussed what was coming... what will he do when he finds the X dead. It bothers me that we went there, but I have a feeling it's something we're going to need to face soon...
It was a good conversation, but a little painful. That old "taking care of him" twinge regarding my X rose up just a bit, but again I had to remind myself that it wasn't safe for ME, he had to figure it out for himself as long as he is capable of still making choices, and it's no longer my concern. But yes, I'm still concerned and will just wait and watch with my son. And the blessing in it is that my son actually told me that he loves how well he and I are getting along!
I'm biking the Mickelson Trail end to end in the next week (113 miles), need someone to let the dogs out while I'm gone... I think I'm going to ask my son - show him that i TRUST him. This is definitely moving forward, despite the pain!
LATER!
After picking, we went into the house, talked about jobs, I told him about the inheritance and the problems with it, and then I asked if my son has seen his father, because his father hasn't showed up with the dog supplies that he drops off every month. Man, our conversation went another hour just about that. My son hasn't seen the X in 4 months, the reason being that the X got ANOTHER DUI and had ANOTHER seizure and has COMPLETELY gone through all that money I paid him for the house. GEES. Not only that, but the X blew off the court hearing, his 10 day jail sentence got expanded to 90.... I expect to hear about another withdrawal related seizure once they take him in. My son said there's been obvious mental deterioration, but doesn't want to call it that... that poisoning thing he was doing to me before the divorce? Well, according to my son, he was still doing it to himself, and things got so bad that the landlord where he's staying told him he had to clean up or move out - actually made the X scrub and paint the walls because grease was all over the walls as well. He's still coherent enough to clean up, and is supposedly going to one-on-one rehab as well and neither of us has heard anything more... But then my son said the X began to hang out with a guy who has 666 tattooed on his forehead who also announced he's got hepatitus. My son understandably freaked out, gave the X an ultimatum - choose between 666 guy or my son and his family... and he chose the 666 guy. I feel so bad for my son... and then we discussed what was coming... what will he do when he finds the X dead. It bothers me that we went there, but I have a feeling it's something we're going to need to face soon...
It was a good conversation, but a little painful. That old "taking care of him" twinge regarding my X rose up just a bit, but again I had to remind myself that it wasn't safe for ME, he had to figure it out for himself as long as he is capable of still making choices, and it's no longer my concern. But yes, I'm still concerned and will just wait and watch with my son. And the blessing in it is that my son actually told me that he loves how well he and I are getting along!
I'm biking the Mickelson Trail end to end in the next week (113 miles), need someone to let the dogs out while I'm gone... I think I'm going to ask my son - show him that i TRUST him. This is definitely moving forward, despite the pain!
LATER!
Replies
Wow...thats quite a journal entry. I am sorry to hear about the X. I know it is no longer your concern, but we loved these men once and to say we dont care about what happens to them is impossible. Especially when your son is involved. Im glad you had the converstation with him. It sounds like it needed to be said and that you are both preparing for the possiblilties that lie ahead. This 666 guy sounds like such bad news and for him to choose him over your son saddens me. I am sorry that you and your son have to deal with this but it is good that you are. With love and concern, Sandy
It\'s always sad to see someone we once loved go downhill so badly. It\'s also good to see how well you and your son handled this news.
Some people can\'t be helped and don\'t want the help. You just have to let them face the consequences of their actions. Unfortunately this is one of those times. You are wise to sit back and wait.
(((hugs))) I can feel your sadness. Good luck for your ride, and for growing the relationship between you and your son.
I know the \'taking care of him\' or fixing things feeling. So sorry he ended up such a mess but he can\'t be helped until he wants it.
Glad your son has you :)
First the fun stuff. I\'m assuming you are biking the trail. That sounds really hard but a ton of fun!
I am so sorry about you ex. I am facing a similar unhappy ending too. But mine will come in a decade or so, but I can see the mental deterioration. This is where I am in understanding of that \"disease\" term that aa loves. I\'m not a fan, but in some regards they are like diabetics that refuse their insulin and sit around eating candy all day. Part of alcoholism\'s insidiousness is that as their brains warp they cannot see the need to stop any longer. I know you know all this...
I\'m not big on satanic symbols, etc. I know people play it up to look tough but wow that summed it up.