Just a question
Good Morning dear friends - just a question.....when does the intense anger become not so intense? I work on myself, read, go for walks, sit when I need to (most of the time) and realize this is a journey but I'm so tired of feeling angry...somehow life has robbed me of my only child and mom......I feel so selfish saying this and my mom was 89, lived a great life, BUT, BUT , BUT she was my best friend.....Jennifer was 35......I wanted to give her so much...material things ( can't take them with you, right?) My identity of a MOM - POOF - GONE in an instant....
I guess it's a choice to realize what I do have and be grateful - God is in control and believe me I tell HIM all this but I'm so angry------when will it lessen? I'm busy with work, always trying new things to see if that fills my void just a little but I know in my heart - NOTHING CAN EVER FILL THAT VOID, CAN IT, my dear sisters?
Love & many hugs......Vicki
I guess it's a choice to realize what I do have and be grateful - God is in control and believe me I tell HIM all this but I'm so angry------when will it lessen? I'm busy with work, always trying new things to see if that fills my void just a little but I know in my heart - NOTHING CAN EVER FILL THAT VOID, CAN IT, my dear sisters?
Love & many hugs......Vicki
Replies
Hi Vicki,
Everyone deals and moves through the grief differently. I still have moments of intense anger that God called Jerred home so long ago. when I get that way I try to remember that God just LOANED us our babies, they were His all along. Then God and I have many chats, and I do yell and scream at Him for taking Jerred away, He can take our anger and understands it. Then once I have worn myself out with that I just ask Him to carry me until it passes. This helps me get through it and over it. It does take time, all I ask is that you allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come and not to hold them inside of you. Get them out the best you can. If you need someone to yell at or talk to I am here and can handle it so never be afraid to contact me please.
Hugs and Love,
Susie
Dearest Vicki, I have been on this road for 2 and a half years, and I am still angry and bitter. I also talk to God about all my emotions a lot, because I feel guilty. I try to make sense of it all, through logical reasoning, and I also stay busy, but nothing helps. The result is that I withdrew from life! Thank you for your post, my friend. It is good to know that I am not the only one struggling with these devastating emotions.
Gentle hugs. xxx
I think it takes forever to get over the anger, my journey is longer and I still an angry with God,,, we talk but I am not sure I will ever be over that anger,,, and I get very upset with others quickly, I don\'t care to make new friends,,, I am thankful to have soth that understands... love ya!
Great words from these three women. My emotions were mostly intense sadness. A sadness I never knew existed. I never had intense anger and my when I did, my anger was dispersed. I was angry at God, angry at my son for \"falling asleep\" and angry with myself for not being able to protect my son. I had to reconnect with God and like Susie, I too have always believed that our children were only \"loaned\" to us and we never know for how long we will get to have that responsibility. I feel when we get angry, rebellious, negative then it is the spirit of God leaving us and the spirit of Satan taking over. I certainly don\'t want that if I can help it. There came a point in my second year that I had to decide to be \"bitter\" or be \"better\". Thankfully with the support of these women and my network of family and friends, I am on a good path. I pray you can let go of anger when the time is right. I think it will just come to you gradually like the sun rises. It\'s OK to feel all these emotions. Feel them, weave them into your new life and as odd as it sounds...practice. I once read how to learn to be grateful was to just practice. A person who plays an instrument or sings or any many other things practices. I think when anger hits, do what you need to do (practice) letting it go. Perhaps in time, it will become a habit and be a bit easier. Much love. Robin
Such wise words and I\'m always so thankful I found this site....Thank you.....YOU are so appreciated!!
I believe too, that my daughter was always God\'s girl....thank you for reminding me of that. I believe, too, that Satan would like nothing more than for me to forget what my heart knows to be true and be this angry, old , bitter lady and I\'m fighting to not let that happen!!
Making new friends is difficult - I just don\'t have the energy.....
Once again, I know I\'m understood, heard with your hearts and I\'m grateful. ((((hugs)))) Vicki
It is 6 years now. How can it be? I was totally furiously angry. There is no justice in this world. I still have times when I get mad and occasionally throw things! But I have come to believe that I am here for a reason; that Lisa was here for a reason, and as much as I hate it, left before any of us were ready.
Her job here was done, mine apparently isn\'t.
We have a gamut of feelings; anger, envy (i envy those who have their kids and don\'t have to live through this), depression (how can I go on and live when my child and best friend is no longer able to experience the wonders I have seen) etc..
My way of coping is to feel the feelings and recognize that they are part of my journey now. It was Hell and some days, still is. Now I try to live the life I know Lisa would want for me.
Love and tight hugs, M
Yes Vicki, I could ask the very same question. Just over 3 years and it seems that my emotions go from very, very sad to intense anger and neither are planned or anticipated. I tell myself that the anger, just as any other emotion I feel is \"normal\". Yes, the feelings are often overwhelming. I wonder myself when the \"intenseness\" will lessen. And I continue to wait.
This journey is so complex and all consuming isn\'t it?
With you my friend, hand in hand.
(((hugs))) Merrilee
When I got to the angry stage I was angry at Mike for leaving us. I think I am passed that but I have plenty of other emotions that rule my life. I am not the same as I used to be (just like everyone else here) I am sad all the time depressed unable to concentrate that is ME as I read this list I don\'t see any room for anger LOL.
I hope things improve in the emotion dept
sending tight hugs
Penny
Hi Vicky When I lost my only child and I also lost my mom I was only 22 . her and I were so close Iloved her so much, When my daughter died I went through so many emotion. but if you are depressed which I,am sure you are some depressions are filled with anger, that was me . I got Prozac in 4 days i felt normal but it was awful i was mad at everything a nd so lonely. my whole faily gone accept a sister.. you go through so many ups a nd downs like a rolle coaster . my daughter died from lupus in 2003 my life has never been the same. . but I just get up every day and try to live my life the best I can. Because I . i want to see m y momand daughter asgan. love maryann
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There are no spiritual bypasses with anger or any of the intense emotions and feelings that land on our hearts often feeling like a heavy, heavy anvil. You are feeling what you must and need to Vicki, and sometimes that is simply all that I believe we can ask of ourselves.
It can be so very exhausting and truly there will be a time when the sharpness, the acuteness of it all has softened just a tiny, tiny bit. I cannot say when that will be for you, yet I noticed around year three, that my senses, all of them seemed to come back to life. I could see things in color once again, smells were more vivid, I heard the birds singing once again and slowly I began to re-enter into life as it was and not how I hoped it would be. Do I have days that knock the stuffing out of me, I surely do, yet they are not as frequent nor do they last as long. My rebounding for lack of a better word seems to happen with more ease now and that is a huge difference that I notice in year seven and a half as compared to years one and two. This is just me and each of us lives into this in our own ways.
Gentle, gentle care dearest Vicki, and thank goodness we can come here and share our hearts.
With you, sending love and SO much understanding,
XO Joanie
I don\'t know if it will ever end!! Sept. 1st was four years for me and I am still having trouble believing that he is really gone! I get angry, sad, hopeless and every other emotion you can think of. He was my heart and he is gone and he is never coming back. It hurts like hell...
When we no longer need the anger to shelter us from the hurt we have yet to feel. Maybe then. I figure that it is God\'s buffer. He knows us better than we know ourselves. So I threw myself into His timeline. I still feel easily angry at times and I think anger is a normal emotion. It is what we do with it that counts. I try not to punch people in the throat even though I feel like it. I love you
15 Years for me and then lost my youngest son 5 years ago, so I lost both son\'s. Anger is not the word. Had alot of it because my first son was murdered. They were prosecuted and I did go to the trial for 2 weeks and the 2 brothers that took my Jesse\'s life got natural life, with out parole and 25 additional years for conspiracy and weapons. I am still angry at the two brothers till this day and always will be they have caused so much pain for me and my family and friends. After I lost Justin, 5 years ago I think I went into shock and I will never be the person I was. But believe it or not, I am not so angry any more, I learned that it makes no sense efor me to be, I dont like it, it is not really me and some how my faith in God has helped along with good friends like every one here in this group because they all understand my feelings. Other people dont. Any way\'s try to get rid of anger some how, I worked out and chopped down a pine tree in my yard and made a cool place to plant flowers in Jesse\'s memory. I have done alot of yoga and went to alot of sessions with a good top of the line Dr. that tauight me a tapping technique to help me stay focused. Believe me, I was a mess and never ever thought
I would get to this point. I made it!!!!! Do what ever you have to to get out that anger because it is bad for your health. Mine changed my blood pressure and gave me a blood disorder I never had in my life for good. Good Luck to you, think of what your child would want for you....Takes alot of time to not be angry.XOX, Debbie
Oh dear Vicki, I\'m familiar with the anger you speak of. I was so very angry at everything. I couldn\'t even pinpoint who I was angry with or what exactly I was angry about. It was just an intense anger seething inside me at everything.
I don\'t know exactly when this started to change for me. All I know is that the constant anger slowly started to subside. At this point, 6 1/2 years later, I no longer harbor this continuous emotion of anger. I can see more clearly and feel joy that I never thought I would feel again. Of course, the negative emotions still come and go, but they don\'t take up permanent residence.
And it takes time with each person having their own individual timeline.
So as all the wise women have stated above, feel what you need to feel and go with the ebb and flow.
With tight hugs,
Diane