Just a essay I wrote

I was practicing essay writing and this is one of the essays  I wrote. 

 Crowded train

just something I am writing I want to practice essay writing and this is my first one

I feel like their is zombies everywhere, especially first thing in this hour when on the train. They look in their phones, sometimes no movement of their eyes or fingers, but there, frozen into the brief existence of their commute. No one talks, no one goes, but staring. We all existed there, as witnesses and equally zombies , too. I wanted to get away from that mentality I wanted something better for myself that wasn't just a distraction from my own thoughts. I wanted to be free. I want to feel like I'm not alone, that I have someone to talk with, someone who can listen. I wanted to feel like I could be heard. I wanted to feel like I had a voice. I wanted to feel like I was part of something bigger than me. The train stopped at the station I got on It was dark, cold and empty. The train then moved out It was going to take me somewhere else. I didn't know where it was going , but I knew I needed to escape from this place. I walked through the train car door. I felt like a child again, as if there were no other options left for me. It was just another day in my life. I looked around the train car at the people who were moving on. They all had their own stories. They all had different experiences and perspectives. They all had their own stories. They all had their own problems and fears that made them who they are today. I thought I could hear the taunts I thought I could feel the anger in their hearts when they saw me walk through the doors of this train. I thought these Strangers that were all around were making snap judgements about me without knowing me personally. I felt so alone. I felt like a freak on the train with .These people were strangers who knew nothing about me, but had no idea what I was going through. The only thing that I knew was how to get in my head and out of the world. I didn't know how to be happy or sad, or even if I wanted to be. It was just too much for me. I was scared of being alone, afraid to go outside and see the world because it would hurt me, but I had to catch this train to escape the loneliness. I couldn't do anything else but sit there and think about everything that happened in my life I felt like a failure Failure at marriage, babies ,and kids and life in general failure at work, and all the other things that were important to me. I was so lost in myself that I didn't realize what happiness meant to me. I thought I was going to die someday, but then one day someone told me that you cannot be happy without sadness. I was so sad that that made me feel like I was going to die and alone. So this crowded train the last one of the night was my only option for living. I had no idea how much pain and suffering would come from it but I knew that if I could just get out of my old life , and live a new one, I would be fine and I would never regret it. The next morning I woke up with a feeling of emptiness. A sense of emptiness that I didn't know existed. It was as if I had been transported back in time. A feeling of being lost in a world where everything is so different than before. A different world different people were around me. A different world where I felt like there was nothing wrong with me anymore and I was happy. This feeling of emptiness made me feel like a child again, because it felt real. I felt like a kid again, when all the things that happened to me were gone and all the memories that I had left behind were gone. There was peace in the air, and I felt like my life was going to change forever. I felt like I was finally free from the chains of depression. It was as if I could be myself again. I felt like I was finally free from the pain of being alone. I felt like I was finally free from the fear of loneliness. But then I realized something: it's not just about the loneliness. It's also about the love for someone else. I'm not talking about the feeling of falling in love with someone you don't know .I am talking about loving yourself again and being able to love others even more. I'm talking about loving yourself so much that you can see your true self, and you can feel what it is that makes you happy. The thing is, I didn't realize this until now. I had a lot of problems with my life. I was afraid of being alone. I thought that if I could find someone who would be there for the rest of my life, then I'd be okay for a while. But I realized that no matter how hard you try, nobody will ever understand or love you like you want them to . I've been through a lot of things in my life, and sometimes they're not easy to deal with. I've learned that people are going to hurt you, and that's okay . I've learned that people are going to do what they do and that's okay too because it means you have to learn from them. Sometimes, we just need to be alone. I' am not saying that you shouldn't go out and get some good company or something. I'm saying that if you want to make friends, find someone who is willing to make you feel better about yourself. I'm not saying that being alone is bad for your health or your relationships. I'm saying you should try new things or take chances in life if you fail You can always try again. But the point is, you can't let anyone take control of your life. You have to decide what you want to do with your life. You have to decide how much time you need for it, whether you like it or not. And then, once you've decided what kind of life is best to live, you have to make a choice. You have to choose between two options: Either you'll be happy and content, or you'll regret it. If you're unhappy, then go back to the drawing board and start over. If you're happy, then move on to the next thing you can do. If you're unhappy, then move on to the next thing that's right for you.