Jus some thoughts

What do I do with this sharpened knife?
Slit my wrists vertically and end my life?
I am not afraid to die
Its better than feeling this pain inside
The numbness kicks in and I can't cry
There is no safe haven to hide
 
What do I do with all these pills?
Swallow them? Move in for the kill?
If there was a way to guarantee
That nobody would resucitate me
I would swallow the bottle whole
Take my life force, I'm no ones fool
 
My heart is frozen in my chest
I will never again be blessed
Happiness is out of reach
Ill never lay on that sunny beach
Don't use your god to me and preach
I am not a christian leach
A god won't save me I'm far too gone
I've been breathing in this bitterness too long
Everything I say and do is wrong
I can no longer stand strong
There's a monster inside wanting to escape
In his hands he holds my fate
For me its already too late
I can only contemplate
The extent of my blackened heart
Inside its ripping me apart
An ice queen to my very core
I don't care about feelings any more
Or if I upset somebody with my words
I just do not belong to this world