june 4 2012
A calm weekend. I spent it doing mundane yet enjoyable household and gardening tasks. For the most part i ignored my husband's misery and suspicious behavior. Once or twice I had to remove myself from his presence in order to keep my self from rising to the (passive/aggressive) bait he was dangling. At one point he came to find me asking what was up.....i simply told him i was respecting his wishes not to engage in any "uncomfortable" conversations, and would he please just leave me alone. no drama, no anger, no fighting. amazing results!
earlier in the week after a similar conversation re: md appt for diabetic medication change and a visit with his therapist (he asked why i looked sad and i told him i felt trapped in situation where i was not allowed to speak of my concerns) so i told him to leave me be and just take care of himself.......well, well, well...... that evening i just removed myself to my own space and in he comes!!!!! He was more than willing to talk about medications and doctor appointment, then (BIG THANKS TO THE UNIVERSE HERE) his therapist told him that it takes two to fight and that i was right to be concerned in all the areas we are fighting about.
so now-NO BULLSHIT. we were on our way to McDonalds..( i had to drive because his blood sugar was low).he tried to start something, i turned the car around and went home. "What?" he says. "I do NOT want to spend time with you if this is what you are going to do." i never want to have to pretend i am enjoying myself, i do not want to endure time together that is unendurable. i am happier following my own heart.
earlier in the week after a similar conversation re: md appt for diabetic medication change and a visit with his therapist (he asked why i looked sad and i told him i felt trapped in situation where i was not allowed to speak of my concerns) so i told him to leave me be and just take care of himself.......well, well, well...... that evening i just removed myself to my own space and in he comes!!!!! He was more than willing to talk about medications and doctor appointment, then (BIG THANKS TO THE UNIVERSE HERE) his therapist told him that it takes two to fight and that i was right to be concerned in all the areas we are fighting about.
so now-NO BULLSHIT. we were on our way to McDonalds..( i had to drive because his blood sugar was low).he tried to start something, i turned the car around and went home. "What?" he says. "I do NOT want to spend time with you if this is what you are going to do." i never want to have to pretend i am enjoying myself, i do not want to endure time together that is unendurable. i am happier following my own heart.
Replies
Good for you! I am trying so hard to move in the same direction. Its a struggle!!
YES IT IS A STRUGGLE, AS A MATTER OF FACT I WAS JUST WRITING ABOUT IT IN MY PERSONAL JOURNAL, ABOUT HOW HE DOES NOT REALLY SEEM TO UNDERSTAND ALL HE HAS TO LOSE AND HOW HE IS HAPPIEST WHEN LEFT TO HIS OWN DEVICES. THE HARDEST PART IS WORKING ON MYSELF AND JUST LETTING HIM SINK OR SWIM. AND THEN FIGURING OUT HOW TO DEAL WITH THE GRIEF, GUILT AND HORROR WHEN HE SINKS.
LOL- it really is scary how the same themes keep coming up at the same time. In my endless and fruitless attempt to explain to my person what the problem is, I used a drowning and swimming analogy yesterday. I said that me and all her friends and family were in the pool with rafts, swimsuits, suncreen, etc. I said she was in the middle of us in a giant fur coat with no sunscreen, heavy boots on, holding a raft that wasn\'t blown up, and drowning. If she would quit flailing around and just take off the coat & boots and let up help her blow up the raft, she\'d be fine but she\'s stubbornly ready to drown with all that baggage and is making it dangerous for the floaters around her and that\'s why we have to separate. Then I went to ALANON and they said we need to stop explaining because there is no explanation that will make them get it, lol.