JUNE 3RD???

Jonathan's last day of school is June 3rd.  So, with all that's been going on in my marriage, and with him not willing to stop with the porn, I think I am going to try to leave again.  Notice I said 'try'.  If he would just STOP the porn all together and do whatever he had to do to keep himself from looking at it, I would stay.  I would be happy.  I wouldn't have any reason to be mad at him.  But he won't.  I want so badly to move on with my life and be happy.  I want to love myself, inside and out.  I want to have a better life- one free from all of the hurt he's caused.  I want to someday find a man that I can trust, and loves me for me- who would NEVER hurt me.  I want to find myself again.  I want to have confidence.BUT- I'm terrified to leave.  I have been in this situation for so long that I am afraid of what's out there.  I am comfortable (so to speak) because if I stay, I know what's coming next.  I know he'll hurt me again- he always does.  I know I will cry again. He's just so mean to me.  Like today- I haven't done anything wrong and he treats me like crap.  Bossing me around and having this nasty attitude towards me.  I don't even know why!!He keeps yelling about getting water for the fish tank.  Thing is, he wanted me to do it yesterday, and I don't have my own car.  I was out with my parents yesterday, but they were in a hurry and couldn't take me to the fish store to buy water (it's a 55 gallon salt water, and every few days you have to replace the water that's evaporated).  So, he's mad at me for something that I couldn't control.  Story of my life- he's always mad at me for little stupid b.s. things.   I HATE WALKING ON EGGSHELLS!!!  I have to constantly watch what I do and don't do because he blows up at me so easily.  I WANT OUT!!!  I WANT A DIVORCE!!! But...  How do I get out and stay gone???