June 24th 2016
June 24th, was our 14 wedding anniversary. June 24th he hung himself in his shop. He had congestive heart failure and was in need of a new heart. He felt that he was a burden to everyone. He also had an affiar with of of my friends for 8 months. She had gone back to her x when she found out he was sick. she turned him down. He wrote her a love letter and posted it on facebook and she was so mad at him. He tried to get back with her and she refused him. I feel that he killed himself partly because of her and his heart problem.
I have learned alot of myself since he has been gone. I am alot stronger than I thought I was. He left me with nothing. No life insurance, no money in the bank nothing. I have had to do everything on my own. I am still fighting a battle with his family who thinks I made him kill himself.
Everyday, brings new challanges.
so scared..
Replies
His family will look for blame where they can . Just move forward with your life and ignore the whispers. You know what happened and that is all that matters. Isbthis legal matters his family is fighting with you about? If it is just what they think and what they want you to hear just walk away.
We have legal guardianship of his brothers little girl. They think that since she is not my blood, that my guardianship goes away since he is gone. Well the court system doesn't see it that way. They have had DCF come and visit me and even tried to have me investigated. I am to the point of filling harassment charges on them. But I am afraid that if I do that, it will just make them even madder at me and try other stuff. All I want is to move forward. Our family here in my house is doing ok. We are all getting along, the kids are ready for school. they just keep bringing us down. I am tired of it.
Sorry about your husband. It's never easy but from your past posts you were going through a divorce. I wouldn't consider that an affair. If you seek advice from people you need to be honest with everything going on. Why is dcf involved? I am a guardian myself to my daughters baby. The guardianship of your niece you have got to be worried about because sounds like it was done through a marriage and if there were any problems it could effect it. Sounds like there were. Unfortunately you can't file harassment charges if dcf is called and they have to investigate. I'm sorry you have to deal with all this after your husbands death.
The reason I say it was an affair is because at one point we were working on our marriage. But she and he were seeing each other behind my back for awhile. They worked together. When she filed for divorce, he went ahead and did it also. Totally caught me off guard. I honestly thought we were working on our marriage. After he did that is when it totally went down hill from there. But then when he was in the hospital we forgave each other for everything that had happened in our marriage. We promised to work on our marriage and try to make it better since he was sick and needed someone to care for him. I quit work and stayed with him at each hospital that he was taken too. I didn't know he was still texting her though while we were at the hospital. That is what was sad and frustrating for me. I had no clue. While we were at the hospital he was great. He was his normal sweet self. As soon as we got home, he changed.
DCF was called by his brother because of movies that he felt my niece had watched. Which she didn't, It was me who watched moves that are rated R on my phone. We have a VUDU account and Derek shared it with his brother. So he was able to see what was watched and assumed that Lexi watched them. Derek's brother has schizophrenia. I cant do anything until they actually show up here at my house and cause problems.
It doesn't seem like things were very well between you and your husband. Sounds like you wanted to work it out but he didn't. I'm sorry to hear that after what you said of 13 years. And you say he committed suicide on your anniversary which isn't a good sign either. It can be looked at as a message he was sending to you for him doing it on that day. If dcf feels the need to investigate they will if not then you won't see them but once or twice. Are they still investigating? As I said I'm a guardian to my daughters daughter and that's cause she fell on hard times. I have been told when she gets her act together that she can get her back. Has your nieces father gotten better? If he has, I would be worried that he will take it back to court and if the reason is no longer valid then unfortunately for you they will probably give her back to her father. My husband is a probate attorney and that's what his response is. Going through all of this is a hard thing to do and I'm happy to see that your here on a support group. It does help.
Her dad, I don't know if he is getting better. Last I heard, he stopped taking his medication and I don't know if that was doctor approved. I know that here in Florida he has to do a case plan with DCF first to even think about getting her back. 4 years ago he didn't bother to do any of it. Right now, he only has supervised visitations and has not seen her at all since my husband died. All he has done is cause problems. He is the one who had DCF come to our house and have the investigators come to the house. His daughter is very embarrassed by what her dad is doing and does not want to leave here. she is happy with me. Her dad lives with his dad. And I have overheard him before talk to my husband about him and say, hes not ready to live by himself. Hes not sure if he ever would be. So I don't know what will happen. As of right now, things are quite. It does make me feel like something is about to happen. Fingers crossed that they will just leave us alone. Thank you for letting me vent to you, :)
I'm happy to be here. I live in ft lauderdale Florida. All parents still have visitation rights through the courts. Its odd you say he hasn't visited her since your husbands death. That makes no since at all. Are you keeping his child away after the death of your husband? I would look at the wording of the guardianship because the courts are very specific and since the death of your husband if you started changing the routine of things, it May come back to bite you. From what I see something isn't adding up. Just my opinion but if I see it others will be too. Be careful. It looks to me that your nieces father seems well enough to fight for his daughter back. You are right that he would have to do a case plan and all it's mandatory. Was he looking to get her back before your husbands death and was your husband okay with it? I ask because if there wasn't it would look bad on him as it would look vengeful. Was there signs your niece wanted to live with her dad before?
No he has not contacted me to see her. He has supervised visitations with her. Before my husband died he would allow her to go and spend the night and let "grandpa" be the supervisor. Grandpa is my husband dad and her dads dad. lol... Since the death of my husband, they have not contacted me at all. They are advoiding me. They actually blame me for what my husband did. When he filed for divorce, my husband and I talked about her and we decided that she would stay with me, it would be the same kind of arrangements that we would have with our daughter. My daughter and her have bonded like sisters and we didn't want to take that away from each of them. But his family looks at it like this, she is not my blood, so she needs to be with her blood family. I am not keeping her away from him at all, they have not contacted me to see her. They have my phone number, it has not changed. His dad used to text me and check on my husband. If we were not divorcing, no he would not have been trying to get her. She is actually embarrassed at what he dad and grandpa have done, having DCF visit us and having two investigators come to the house. She has told everyone that she does not want to leave here. She is happy with me and does not want to live with her dad and grandpa. DCF even told me that if they call to set up visitation, that I do it in a public place and have a cop with us. When my husband died, she went that weekend to there house. It took me two days to get her back home. My husband would let her stay the weekend over with her dad. Sundays nights at 8 was the time she was to come home. It took me going to the court house and getting a certified copy of the court order that showed that my husband and I have legal guardianship of her. it also took two days and two different cops to get her home. The last cop took my copy of the court order over to there house and show them that my name is on the paperwork as well. All I know, is what DCF has told me and the investigators. They told me it was wrong of them for not bringing back home like they were supposed and to treat as my daughter. I have always treated her as my daughter. This is the second time our family has had guardianship of her. I am the only mom she knows.
I'm sorry to hear all of this. From what I can tell it was routine for your niece to go see her dad and if he hasn't contacted you to see her and if you haven't made an effort as well, granting if your not keeping the child away, then both parties are at fault. That's why I say be careful and don't do anything out of the ordinary. I don't know how old your niece is but if she feels embarrassed then obviously she don't understand what's going. I'll pray for her. My husband said the blood relation will make a difference in a court room. Probably something you don't want to hear I'm sorry. I'm glad your niece is happy but if there were any signs she hasn't been or wanted to live with her dad before then I would be worried. My husband also said in the state of Florida a child under 18 cannot decide where she wants to live. I cannot stress enough my dear, that the position your in does not look like a positive outcome. I pray for you both
I do want to clarify something. As my husband explained about the blood relation, not so much about that but from what it sounds like the guardianship was given to your husband which is your nieces uncle and because of marriage you were also guardian. With your husband now passed, you are no longer a relative to your niece. As I stated before that it was given through a marriage. It does make a difference in court. I'm not trying to be a negative Nancy, I'm just trying to give my advice and support. You say you were given guardianship twice now, what happened both of those times? If there is a history of the child being taken away then it would be beneficial to you
I agree with lovesoneanother. You are now going up against your nieces actually real family and if they take you to court that will be a major issue that you are not blood related. Its not likely the court will continue guardianship with no relative, unless there is a lot of problems with your nieces family and I mean serious problems. Good luck to you blondy
Your best bet would be to mend things with your passed husbands family. Say what you got to say to them whether it be sorry or address any problems there has been. Whatever you have to say to keep it out of court because honestly if it does ever go to court, your not going to have a chance.
Has there been anything positive happen over the past month? Do keep us up to date blondy. I hope for the best in the situation you are in