June 1st-Music for the 1st time in 233 days
June 1st! I couldn't have believed I would have made it this far when my husband died October 11, 2012, and that will be eight months on June 11th.
We always loved music, and I have not listened to any music since his death. I couldn't bare the idea that there would be lyrics that would remind me of him with his beautiful smile on his face. I was already such a crisis and everything set me off.
When I began today, I was down in the basement looking for wire for a bird feeder out in the backyard, I remembered that the stereo in the basement I could get to play the radio and the next thing I knew I had it blasting and I was in and out of the house, feeding the birds, watering, checking out the garden and the irrigation. I felt happy for myself, but I can't say it lasted the whole day.
As I thought about the fact that I was FINALLY really listening to music and we both would have loved it, then I started to cry because he wasn't here with me. And my memories made me sad, even though today is/was a huge milestone for me, it wasn't without tears.
I emailed a co-worker that was a music fanatic. One of the first songs I heard today was Blake Shelton "Some Beach". She made a CD for me long ago with that song and others that were really fun and happy drive along songs. I thanked her and told her how I remembered that as a definitely better time for me.
We always loved music, and I have not listened to any music since his death. I couldn't bare the idea that there would be lyrics that would remind me of him with his beautiful smile on his face. I was already such a crisis and everything set me off.
When I began today, I was down in the basement looking for wire for a bird feeder out in the backyard, I remembered that the stereo in the basement I could get to play the radio and the next thing I knew I had it blasting and I was in and out of the house, feeding the birds, watering, checking out the garden and the irrigation. I felt happy for myself, but I can't say it lasted the whole day.
As I thought about the fact that I was FINALLY really listening to music and we both would have loved it, then I started to cry because he wasn't here with me. And my memories made me sad, even though today is/was a huge milestone for me, it wasn't without tears.
I emailed a co-worker that was a music fanatic. One of the first songs I heard today was Blake Shelton "Some Beach". She made a CD for me long ago with that song and others that were really fun and happy drive along songs. I thanked her and told her how I remembered that as a definitely better time for me.
Replies
Didn\'t you feel alive enjoying the music? I am glad you are progressing in your healing.
Keep it on. Work on it. We are stronger than we think.