June 17, 2008 Happy Anniversary Homer

On this date in 1991, I made a decision? choice? both? that would affect my life from that day until who knows how long. You see, on that date, I decided to take things with my bestest friend, yes the bestest, to take it one step further. I had a very brief thought before making the decision to become lovers and mates with this bestest friend of mine knowing that if things didn't work out, there would be no more friendship with this man. After a few weeks of being with him and moving in together, I saw signs that should have thrown up red flags. Our first argument was about, of all things, cinamon toast. I went into the kitchen, turned on the oven, buttered, sugared, and cinnamoned the buttered bread. As I was placing the pieces into the oven, he walked in and pitched a fit because there was no need to burn that much electricity for a few pieces of bread. I explained that I was making cinnamon toast. He told me to use the toaster and microwave. Now, being from a poor family, this was the only way I knew to make it. Tried to explain it to him, but like a 5 year old, I was in trouble, none the less. I just pushed it to the side because he was unhappy with his job. Things progressed, slowly, in a negative way. But the rewards were worth me hanging on. I just knew I could show him that not all women were bad. Yes, there were some that were. And that, as couples, we would occassionllay argue but must agree to disagree. His Mother lived in an abusive relationship with his Dad, but was just abusive in her own way. They tell me this is learned behavior and being the woman I am, I nurture. And I am sensitive to other's feelings. So I put aside my pride, apoogized as deeply as I could from the heart and stayed in trouble. But then again, when the trouble was over, it didn't last long at that time, the rewards were worth it. As time moved on, trouble I stayed in. The punishment NEVER fit the crime, even if there wasn't a crime, the punishment was awful. It, over long periods of time, became worse and for longer periods of time. The rewards became fewer or held over my head. Looking back, I can only say that his only influences in his life were his Mom, his sister, his ex-wife, and himself. Because all of them had screwed around on their significant other, and in his case, he screwed around on his best friend with his best friend's wife. His ex wife, I understand now why she did what she did but I don't understand why she did it the way she did. Now, because of rumors, and speculation and his warped sense of reality, I also screwed around on him. The first time, I had been called from NY to FL because they didn't think my Mom was gonna make it. I was exhausted by the time she recovered. But I busted my butt to make it to NY on Friday before he had gotten home. A 17 hour drive took me less than 14 to make. But I sucked every single d*ck on the way. I thought he was kidding and realized, after I said, "You mean to tell me you know what d*ck tastes like and can only get it second hand?!!" Making a joke back at one I thought he was making towards me. My lil sister even thought he was joking and made the comment that "She couldn't have sucked EVERY d*ck"! He was furious. Thru out the years, I have been accused of many different types of infedelity. Man times. With many people. I thought to myself that his ex, and I am sorry Gale, had really done a number on him. I tried to show him more love and compassion. Didn't work. This last time, I will take some of the blame for but not all of it. I made phone calls on our cell phone to a FRIEND, a few of which he answered and gave me the phone, some he just handed me the phone. I thought nothing of it seeing as how he had female friends. WRONG. What was and is right for him is NOT right for me. Double edged sword. In addition to this, there were women that had to jump on this band wagon and add fuel to the fire. Both of which had somethihng to gain. One, the manager of the hotel we lived in for over a year, kept opening our bank statements, of course, by accident. The other was into drugs and they were more important to her than her own son, who HAS to take meds. Not to mention food, clothes, Christmas, Easter, going out to eat, that wa funded by not only me, but by my husband at the time. My husband at the time, and I had talked about this. By then I was accused of coming out of a truck driver's room. The woman that ACTUALLY came out of the truck driver's room, a friend of ours, went to Homer and even told him it was her. SHe told him that the truck driver would even tell him. Then, she and I were supposedly seen coming out of a room where a crack pipe was found. Come to find out, there was no crack pipe, it was a rumor started by the manager, the one with dollar signs in her eyes. The assistant manager even told him there was reason NOT to believe the manager. He belives what he wants. I can only say that the allegations against me are NOT true. Even have the proof in black and white but because HE needs to be the victim, so be it. I have nothing left to prove to this person as i CAN'T even refer to him as a man. Or aa husband. I can only say that I NEVER EVER betrayed Homer in anyway shape or form. And if he knew me like he said he did, he would know. And I believe he does. It is just too late because this time, there was no begging. After the "shooting of himself", and hearing his voice as he cursed me for probably having him arrested, there was no begging. No more. SO Happy Anniversary and the only thing I am sorry about for myself, is that we didn't stay friends and I went against my better judgement by getting romantically involved with you. Even worse, marrying you. Because not only am I no longer your wife, which I had to work so hard at, thanks, we are no longer friends. And knowing the person you are instead of who I thought you to be, it is for the best. 17 years. Infedelity. On who's part? Mine? You KNOW not. I will always miss My Homer, the illusion of who I thught you to be. I will not miss the abusive, sad, cruel person you turned out to be. BTW, if it was infedelity again, as you believe, what does that say about you as a man much less a husband and a lover? Think before you answer. Think hard. I do hope the best for you. I hope you find a man that will treat you better tahn your women have, considering that every female in your life, according to you, from your Mom to your sister, to your ex and to me has screwed you over by infedelity. Again, Happy Anniversary. I remebered every year, even when I was in trouble, and left you a card and something special for you to find in the first place I knew you would go. I didn't get anything, which all I asked for was a better anniversary than the one I had the year before, considering I was usually, go figure, in trouble for something, because I "didn't deserve it". I still don't. So I hope you at leaast leave me alone this year. It should be easy for you seeing as how you have practice but unlikely because of your meanness and cruelty. May God Bless you.