July 26, 2012 journal update
Hello Again,
I didn't realize how hard it is to keep a true daily journal. Life seems to get in the way all time.
Where I'm at today: I feel pretty good. I haven't made all my goals but, I'm ok with that. I am working on making myself accountable for my daily habits, trying to figure out how exactly, that's why it's called "working" on it. Maybe I should be less ok with not making my goals, that might make me work harder instead of procrastinating so much? Who knows?
It would be handy to be able to look back and "track" my habits, feelings, or ideas. (journal wise) I might be able to find a pattern to my "mood swings", find triggers, and what not.
This "weekend" (I use quotes because my weekends are Monday and Tuesday) I did get our pool relocated, hopefuly it will actually warm up, it is in a more sunny location. One less item on the "honey do" list!
On a mental note; I feel less conflicted with my sexuality. I kinda miss being in denial though, that sounds weird but, I just feel like a part of me is (missing?). I was in denial for 22+ years, that's a long time to hold on to an idea. I know I am on the road to a better self image and higher self esteem. I am who I am, and I am closer to who I am supposed to be, not who my parents and society want/think me to be. I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment, whether that comes from an external or internal source. I can't beat myself up about it anymore (it really is a good thing)!
I like women and men, so what. I know I keep writing it, it's more for self affirmation than anything. Acceptance is different than admittance. I have admitted it, guess I'm further from acceptance than I originally thought. (More unrealistic goals?) It has only been a month since I addmitted it to myself. I was strangely comfortable admitting it though, when I had the revelation that is. I have always known I like both genders, maybe that's why? Instead of fighting it, I am "going with the flow"? Just because you know the answer doesn't mean you can accept the truth of it.
I have only told one person so far, I know I can tell who ever I need to, but my Wife should be the next person I tell. I think she would be more upset to learn that "everyone else" knew before she did. That's fair! I would be upset, too.
I am back to trouble sleeping, that sucks! But, my attitude doesn't seem to be affected yet. I'm in a good mood, so far so good.
well..... I can't think of anything else to say today so,
I will talk to you later
Dragon
I didn't realize how hard it is to keep a true daily journal. Life seems to get in the way all time.
Where I'm at today: I feel pretty good. I haven't made all my goals but, I'm ok with that. I am working on making myself accountable for my daily habits, trying to figure out how exactly, that's why it's called "working" on it. Maybe I should be less ok with not making my goals, that might make me work harder instead of procrastinating so much? Who knows?
It would be handy to be able to look back and "track" my habits, feelings, or ideas. (journal wise) I might be able to find a pattern to my "mood swings", find triggers, and what not.
This "weekend" (I use quotes because my weekends are Monday and Tuesday) I did get our pool relocated, hopefuly it will actually warm up, it is in a more sunny location. One less item on the "honey do" list!
On a mental note; I feel less conflicted with my sexuality. I kinda miss being in denial though, that sounds weird but, I just feel like a part of me is (missing?). I was in denial for 22+ years, that's a long time to hold on to an idea. I know I am on the road to a better self image and higher self esteem. I am who I am, and I am closer to who I am supposed to be, not who my parents and society want/think me to be. I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment, whether that comes from an external or internal source. I can't beat myself up about it anymore (it really is a good thing)!
I like women and men, so what. I know I keep writing it, it's more for self affirmation than anything. Acceptance is different than admittance. I have admitted it, guess I'm further from acceptance than I originally thought. (More unrealistic goals?) It has only been a month since I addmitted it to myself. I was strangely comfortable admitting it though, when I had the revelation that is. I have always known I like both genders, maybe that's why? Instead of fighting it, I am "going with the flow"? Just because you know the answer doesn't mean you can accept the truth of it.
I have only told one person so far, I know I can tell who ever I need to, but my Wife should be the next person I tell. I think she would be more upset to learn that "everyone else" knew before she did. That's fair! I would be upset, too.
I am back to trouble sleeping, that sucks! But, my attitude doesn't seem to be affected yet. I'm in a good mood, so far so good.
well..... I can't think of anything else to say today so,
I will talk to you later
Dragon
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