July 2023

July is about to come to a close as the days,months and years are swiftly going by at a high rate of speed. 

July

Sunday, July 16, 2023

5:43 AM

It has been awhile since I have written in my journal, I have had to make some adjustments to help pay down my credit cards due to the fact that I wanted to start my new career as a model. So I had to take on another job working for Walmart. It is not to bad but it is starting to take a toll on me. Arby's is starting to become unbearable my anger is growing because of the people that I am working with making things difficult to work along side of them plus the customers being so stupid when ordering.

As for my kids I still haven't heard anything from them only from Merle what tells me. Which is not much. I feel so bad that I am not there to try my best to take care of her but heck she has Anette to take care of her as always had. I hated being left out of her life as I always felt as a duty being her husband. I still think about it and cry about, but I have no regrets for what I have done I am happy but I am not happy for losing my family but I feel that they have turned their backs on me thinking preposterous  things that is not true. But they will not or ever believe me that I did no such thing. So far I have done several photoshoots and two runway shoots but I still have to practice doing to get better at if I wish to do more. I was hoping to do the ambassador for the Iron Man event only to find out that all the slots were filled even though they took their sweet ole time to respond to me. Unprofessional like business practice I feel having me wait a week only to tell me that the position is already filled. I was disappointed big time. So if they have an event coming up I will quickly apply.

July I hate to say that it is getting difficult the thoughts of my family is starting to take more of a toll on me as I miss them very much and the crying. I am still having issues of finding someone to even start a relationship with. They are just wasting my time. I am thinking that with a different person it would be different. What a joke, As for the modeling career I would think that I would have more sessions with photographers but so far it is going to be a dry August but don't know if it is because of the actors or writer's strike that is going on. I am still hoping to get a paid photoshoot. At least one thing working at Walmart it will help pay down the credit cards, one good sign is that I got the IRS off my back even though they owe me money but won't admit that they owe me. Now I have a debt collector harassing's me on the phone from Burk insulting my intelligence about the car they repo, but I have a feeling that Merle gave them my phone number. In any case I am not going to say that I will start paying them 5K. Rude and arrogant. Telling me that it doesn't apply which it does. Trying to play me as a fool and I am not going to fall for it. There is always something that comes out of the woodwork from her. When will it stop. In the meantime I am still trying to get my MRI done and Temple wants me to get a mammogram done. I feel like that things are slowing down to a snail pace and I sure don't like it very much. I did meet my new therapist and I do know that I am going to miss Chi. So, in the meantime I am still working on finding a relationship, a place of my own, and more photoshoots. I just can't give up even though it is pain staking.