July 17 2019
13 years October 30th... not very long now... but every day every year all these years I feel somewhat crazy all over again... I no longer ask myself how did our lives end up like this... it's a cold reality... and sometimes... it just hurts too much to be strong... for a bit I just have to let my self scream and cry... because sometimes I can't be strong... not right now
Replies
I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I just get tired of being strong. Sometimes I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Scream and cry all you want to...Whatever helps.
Tight hugs, Nell
I believe our mother's DNA knows what is missing in our lives and alerts us in ways that may feel different each year. Mine was alerted this year and I could not pin point why I was feeling the way that I was until I sat quietly with it and realized it was the "day" that my heart and soul knew was on the horizon. I understand there are many of us who can treat these tender days just like any "other day" yet I cannot and I honor it fully. The days hurt like crazy and are a constant echo BEing reverberating throughout our cells.
BE however you need to BE dear Elissa, and know that you are among women who will carry it with you as that is what we can and will do. I'm so sorry that Cara is not earth side and whatever you are feeling let it find a way a way to express itself as you did today. Get it out and give it motion and action. That is the only way I believe that it ultimately does not drive us "crazy" is to allow it to BE like a thunderstorm moving through us.
Hand in hand, Heart to heart with the deepest of understanding. There is no need to BE any way but how you truly are. There is great strength in expressing our vulnerability, hurt and sorrow. It is the bridge where we all can meet one another.
Gentle care to Cara's mom from Douglas and me.
XO Joanie
Elissa, Thinking of you as you approach Cara’s angelversary. I’m coming up on Eddie’s 10th angelversary on September 4th and his birthday on September 22nd and I know I must honor those days as Joanie mentioned and honor my feelings. I understand completely.
Love to you and dearest Cara, Linda
This site is bugging me. I get random messages from months ago but not when the journals are written! I certainly understand. Lisa's 10th is on Dec 1 - not too far either.
I met a lady at exercise class - she was asking about my Lake Tahoe retreat t-shirt. I told her about Lisa. She said her daughter died 24 years ago. I said "It really doesn't get better, does it?" She said no. This is our life now.
Life now is remembered in before and after.
Tight hugs dear friend.
Love to Cara's mom from Lisa's mom
I understand. It's all so hard. OH how we miss them!!