July 14, 2021

July 14, 2021

Wednesday, July 14, 2021

2:08 AM

June 2021 is now in the history book of my life, June has been a so so month. Went to see my doctors again to check my surgical site and to discuss plans for my next step to fix an issue that I am having with my urine seeping down into my vagina  causing it to smell. Horrible smell in that mater. So when I return on August 24th I will be making plans for correction surgery. I have to decide weather to have them smooth out the area that they stitched causing a crevasse allowing my urine to go into my vagina the along with that I am thinking having the doctor to straighten out my entrance to my vagina with a more strait in motion instead of it being a 90 degree angle first penetration into my vagina, but I was told if I get that procedure done it will cause my clit to show a little instead of it being covered by the lips. I might just go for it and have the penetration's straight forward instead of angling first and the straighten out. I just want to become close a female as possible. Just straight in. I have been having some good luck and some not so. I was supposed to see my boys on the 30 of June but something came up on her end that I couldn't see them, but I feel that she is keeping me away of my oldest daughter. I feel she should tell me her issue with me is all about to try to burry the problem so I may see and talk to her again, Katlin is the only one I haven't seen since I have left, I am sadden by it, I only get or find out any information from her mother. I even offered to take her to the viewing and to the funeral but no I was stricken down  saying that she didn't want me around because Katlin doesn't want me around her, It's not only her but its with everyone else. I have confronted Merle the last time that she should me Danielle but she is still adamant not allowing me to be Danielle but soon I am not going to give into her at all. I just don't them to think that I don't care, always concerned about myself handling my feelings about being him. She has to realize that sooner or later Danielle is going to meet the boys and hope for the best.

As I mentioned before at least I will have the opportunity to find out how they really feel about me and try my best to talk to them. It’s a risk that I must take and hope for the best. It has been nice to have a car and not to worry about taking the bus to work or to anywhere else and I don't have to wake up at no 2am in the morning to get to philly or anywhere else in NJ or Pa. As for work it sometimes stressful. We are so short handed that they changed our operating hours from 10 to 11pm to 7pm. Which is good in away I still almost get 40 hours and now we lost another person so we have to cover for them.

With everything else going on I found out that I had no hormones in my body that was causing some issues with my body.

Finally I got the lawyer to reach out to me but his news was not to promising finding out that there was another issue a day prior which I have no clue what it was. I am going to call the Atlantic County court to find out what it is. On another note I have been chatting with Erica she was stationed in North Carolina and I was making plans to going down there to meet her only to have her say to me that she was getting shipped out but after a couple months she sounds legit wanting to meet me and actually have a life with me. She has been asking where we want to live. She mentioned about a place in Florida near Sarasota Florida only to find out that they don’t have to much to offer for the kids and for the feeling of being loved. I also gave or place the idea of staying in New Jersey this way I still will have a job and having the ability to keep my doctors and seeing the kids but I won't know what will transpire when I do see the kids. Also I have been thinking again about getting breast implants but the issue before Dr. Pri took me off the pill and start using patches which killed my hormone levels causing issues with my health so they had me back on the oral medication of estradiol tablets to bring them up again anyway I went back on the July 12th for testing also to get tested for HIV and std and to check on my hormones as well. Dr. Pri wants me to start taking prep which Is form of medication that will protect me from getting HIV and std I will find out the results of my blood work. I am also working on going scuba diving and so far I managed to put my gear on layaway but unfortunately I have to retake the whole course over again. Which sucks at the least and I have to come up with almost 500 for the course if it wasn't for merle I would have the certification already. Well that is all that transpired in June and as for July stay tuned in August for July.

I almost forgot

It has been 2years and 20 days since I left home

It has been 2 years and 11 months on HRt

It has been 8 months and 12 days since my surgery