Judgment
Last January I decided to work on letting go of judgment; not only of others, but especially of myself. I can say "I have succeeded a lot, but I sure still quietly judge at times." Then, I just that I judge. Darn!
It's hard to tell a story when it was Spirit led as Spirit to me is a knowing/feeling and many times there are no words to express what is going on. Anyway, for ten days or so, I have been waking up in the morning feeling sad, angry, frustrated, resentful, mad, etc. At what I don't know, I wake up feeling that way. I get my coffee, light my candle, and sit with those feelings instead of judging them. In my intellect I want to understand what is causing this; but I try not to question it and simply allow it.
A few days ago, I noticed how ANGRY I would be at people who post and post and post and post on FB...all the time; several times a day. It really, really, really, bugs me. Are they so insecure, they need constant attention/validation. Are they so needy they seek approval of everyone? Bragging????
Again, I take all of this into the silence and I hear a voice that says "That's how you were! You just did it in different ways." OMG. It was how I was. When I was needy, seeking validation (still do at times) wanting attention, felt so very insecure, I did it in different ways. I did it by wanting to control, needing to be right, sleeping with guys, trying to be a people pleaser to everyone, fixing people, arguing and needing to win, working like a dog so I would get attention, looking perfect, etc. Yes, I did many, many actions to get attention; just didn't have social media at the time. Hearing this from Spirit changed my thinking; it took me to a place of self forgiveness for myself. It took me to a place of humility. I was being shown ALL the ways I had done the very same things that I despise some people do on FB. This awareness changed me; I saw it differently. The people who do this are just like I was and still am at times....seeking love and attention. WOW!
Then there was the feelings I had been waking up with. Spirit said "just think how you used to carry those feelings with you constantly and now you have learned to allow them and embrace them instead of resisting them or carrying them through the day and now you no longer do that." WOW again.
I was blessed to read the following yesterday and of course it was right on time and helped me see what was going on.
"Have you ever looked back on your life and suddenly seeing, a scene in which you know you behaved selfishly from ego; that you were manipulative or cunning or hurtful? Or you recognize "My God, I was really in judgment of that person. Ah! Ooo! If only I could go back and undo it. You can because everything is present. There is no such thing as past or future, there is only NOW. So when you have a thought or memory, it is coming to you for a very specific reason. As a soul, you are learning about forgiveness and how to undo the effects of your previous choices. And so it is being presented to you, yet again, that you might make a new choice.
So when that old memory comes, stay with it. Look at it. Recognize how judgment worked at that time. And then say to that person or event, "I judge you not. I extend forgiveness to myself for what I have created. I embrace you, and I love you. I free you to be yourself. Then see that image or that memory begin to gently dissolve into Light, until there is no trace of it left.
Rest assured, you will continue to project upon others what remains unhealed, unforgiven within yourself. Each time you react to another, you are being given a sign that there is some kind of energy that is being presented to you awarenesss that you have not forgiven within yourself. If someone is critical, and that pushes your buttons every time they are critical, rest assured, you have not healed that part of your own beingness - that part of your own experience of being critical of others. Whether it is occurring now, or whether it seems to be a pattern that you have interrupted and no longer do, you have still not forgiven yourself for having identified with that energy.
That's all I read so far...but it helped me look once again at my projections of others.
It's been tough to face myself with these truths, but as I am able to do it, it seems I am much more free inside. Lots of tears and lots of joy!
xo
It's hard to tell a story when it was Spirit led as Spirit to me is a knowing/feeling and many times there are no words to express what is going on. Anyway, for ten days or so, I have been waking up in the morning feeling sad, angry, frustrated, resentful, mad, etc. At what I don't know, I wake up feeling that way. I get my coffee, light my candle, and sit with those feelings instead of judging them. In my intellect I want to understand what is causing this; but I try not to question it and simply allow it.
A few days ago, I noticed how ANGRY I would be at people who post and post and post and post on FB...all the time; several times a day. It really, really, really, bugs me. Are they so insecure, they need constant attention/validation. Are they so needy they seek approval of everyone? Bragging????
Again, I take all of this into the silence and I hear a voice that says "That's how you were! You just did it in different ways." OMG. It was how I was. When I was needy, seeking validation (still do at times) wanting attention, felt so very insecure, I did it in different ways. I did it by wanting to control, needing to be right, sleeping with guys, trying to be a people pleaser to everyone, fixing people, arguing and needing to win, working like a dog so I would get attention, looking perfect, etc. Yes, I did many, many actions to get attention; just didn't have social media at the time. Hearing this from Spirit changed my thinking; it took me to a place of self forgiveness for myself. It took me to a place of humility. I was being shown ALL the ways I had done the very same things that I despise some people do on FB. This awareness changed me; I saw it differently. The people who do this are just like I was and still am at times....seeking love and attention. WOW!
Then there was the feelings I had been waking up with. Spirit said "just think how you used to carry those feelings with you constantly and now you have learned to allow them and embrace them instead of resisting them or carrying them through the day and now you no longer do that." WOW again.
I was blessed to read the following yesterday and of course it was right on time and helped me see what was going on.
"Have you ever looked back on your life and suddenly seeing, a scene in which you know you behaved selfishly from ego; that you were manipulative or cunning or hurtful? Or you recognize "My God, I was really in judgment of that person. Ah! Ooo! If only I could go back and undo it. You can because everything is present. There is no such thing as past or future, there is only NOW. So when you have a thought or memory, it is coming to you for a very specific reason. As a soul, you are learning about forgiveness and how to undo the effects of your previous choices. And so it is being presented to you, yet again, that you might make a new choice.
So when that old memory comes, stay with it. Look at it. Recognize how judgment worked at that time. And then say to that person or event, "I judge you not. I extend forgiveness to myself for what I have created. I embrace you, and I love you. I free you to be yourself. Then see that image or that memory begin to gently dissolve into Light, until there is no trace of it left.
Rest assured, you will continue to project upon others what remains unhealed, unforgiven within yourself. Each time you react to another, you are being given a sign that there is some kind of energy that is being presented to you awarenesss that you have not forgiven within yourself. If someone is critical, and that pushes your buttons every time they are critical, rest assured, you have not healed that part of your own beingness - that part of your own experience of being critical of others. Whether it is occurring now, or whether it seems to be a pattern that you have interrupted and no longer do, you have still not forgiven yourself for having identified with that energy.
That's all I read so far...but it helped me look once again at my projections of others.
It's been tough to face myself with these truths, but as I am able to do it, it seems I am much more free inside. Lots of tears and lots of joy!
xo
Replies
Wow, INDEED! Thanks for posting this clearer insights for growth.
I wonder how much of this self-judgment, shame, & anger come from our conditioning as children for being molded into what everyone else wanted us to be for their judgment of THEIR \"right or wrong\"?
What you shared is, to me, more of the core issue of being codependent on the external world to decide who we are to be in order to accept ourselves, as we are. Suddenly, I just connected \"It is what it is\" with \"I am that I am\"! Both are ways to practice non-judgment, the latter especially for our Selves (plural, in the selves we morph into according to what we believe are the \'demands\' of each environment.
BUT! As your quote so aptly framed, \"everything is present. There is no such thing as past or future, there is only NOW\". So we continue to repeat the same NOW is if each NEW now moment is a repetition of the same NOW moment. Is that correct? Each NOW moment is a different Now Moment? So \"we\" are in a repeating loop, moving but not getting anywhere. The \"loop\" is our ego-gratification ROOMMATE/INNER-CHILD. Our judgments are of ourselves\' hurts of not meeting the expectations of our judgers. But who were our judgers, and why were they in our lives to teach us how to judge ourselves?
I was looking at this this morning when I thought about, \"my biggest problem is my ego\'s creation of itself\". The \"IMAGE\" that requires consistency over time and place. It\'s the \"IMAGE\" that demands acceptance, except it is not the \"REAL\" me NOW. It is the \"Past Me\" in the NOW. I\'m not sure where this comment is going yet. So I\'ll stop here.
Maybe the lesson for me from your post is to be aware of when I am judging my \"feelings\" and stop analyzing them and projecting them onto others. They are nether correct or wrong feelings, they are unresolved NOW-feelings that do not need to be attached to permanently; that each Now Moment is a different Now moment, without judgment compared to the last or next Now-Moment.
Heady stuff.
If I am able to accept my feelings, without judgment (and yes, when I judge, that is coming from my past or future) they are really meaningless; they just are what they are.....feelings. It\'s when I go labeling them that I move out of the NOW!
I must remember the feelings are like the clouds, they come and they go. I must remember NOT to be afraid of them. xo
wow. after reading this I feel like I have slipped so far backwards and at the same time I love it. sure resonates with me at this time. Happy and grateful to be back reading your journal entries (Rosie, Rich and others too)