Journey Through Adultery - Part 2
Last year, 2010, my wife who cleans houses and businesses, worked at a local business. They hired a new employee which appeared to get my wife's attention from the start. This guy was experienced at making women feel desired and stoking their fantasies of exciting sex, usually with someone other than one's husband. My wife is naturally social, and he had the habit of turning things she said into something sexual. Like she might ask if he could turn on the light for her, and he might say something like, "I don't need to, I'm already turned on by you." That's just my own example, he was no doubt a lot smoother than that. But that's the kind of stuff he'd do.
Then he sent her a text message that sent a dopamine high through her system. She explains it as near orgasmic, and from that moment she was addicted to that feeling. It wasn't so much the sex itself that she wanted, but the feeling of being desired, sought after, and the fantasies he fired off in her brain. IOW, a romance novel in a text.
I should have known this, as the main times she did come on strong to me in the past was after reading a romance novel. She'd have desire in her eyes and come after me. But this time she was interacting with a man. And a man she knew only wanted one thing, to have sex. No relationship, no commitment, he didn't even come across as caring that much for her as a person, they didn't communicate anything of who they were. All that mattered was the fantasy of a guy wanting her. Something that had never happened previously other than myself of course.
She made a decision to flirt back with him, and he kept pushing forward as a result. But she liked the flirting, and resisted taking it further though within her she really wanted it. He had stoked that desire to a high pitch, and she was fighting it with all she had, even while other parts of her worked to wear down her resolve.
She had told me about the initial flirting, and how it had made her feel. But she made it sound so friendly, and I didn't have any idea just how profound and effect it was having on her. She had a civil war going on in herself. One part craved him, the other said your stupid for even thinking about that, for risking 28.5 years of a good marriage.
What I did experience was a 180 degree shift in her desire for sex with me. Overnight, she went from a "ho hum, yeah, I guess we can do it tonight, it has been three weeks" to a "I want you now, every night!" Sometimes we'd do it more. She craved it with me. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. I had no idea what had caused this change in her. I knew it had something to do with this man flirting with her, but what I didn't know. All I knew is suddenly, what I had always desired in our 28.5 years of marriage had finally at long last come true. She wanted sex with me, every night.
I figured it would be a phase. It had happened before. But no, this man had flipped a switch in her and that was it. She was hooked.
But the problem was I thought to myself, "I know this man did something to her, but I'm benefiting from it. As long as I keep her sexually satisfied, she won't go looking for it with this guy or anyone else." But what the other guy provided was something other than sex. He provided a fantasy and excitement. As a matter of fact, she never had sex with that guy.
He ended up needing to move out of town. She kept me informed of that, and inside I was glad because I could tell she had a way too unhealthy attachment to this man, and inside it scared me. But she swore all she'd ever done was flirt with him, and that she had told him she couldn't have sex with him and he understood. What she didn't tell me is how much inside she really wanted to do it. I'm not sure even she knew fully.
On the last day before he was to leave town, they met secretly at a drive-in restaurant and sat in the car to talk. He wanted her to give him oral. She said she couldn't. He pulled it out, and next thing she knew, she was on him. He left town, and she came home. That ended up being her first physical sexual experience with someone other than me. She didn't tell me all this part until last week. This all happened last year, in October through December.
She also told me something else I didn't know. He came back a couple weeks later to get some more stuff, tie up lose ends, etc. She told him she didn't have any clients on Wed. afternoon. He wanted to meet her then. And she wanted to as well. She didn't know if it would end in sex, but decided then if he went there, she wouldn't stop him. She wanted it. They didn't make a date, but on Wednesday he started texting her and attempting to draw her in.
But early that day she became scared and as she put it had a "moment of clarity." Realized she was in dangerous territory, and called me to make a lunch date. Luckily I did. So while we ate, he was texting her, trying to get her to meet him. As we left the restaurant, she asked if I would like to go home and have sex. Luckily I did as she would have had time to go to him otherwise. Once we did, she didn't need sex, and she was out of time, and so that meeting never happened. He left later that week not having seen her, and as a result of that, never has tried to contact her again.
While that appeared to be divine intervention, it had another effect. She was hooked, and inside hated that she'd never had sex with this man. It was like a missed opportunity to experience something totally new and exciting, to fulfill a fantasy. This caused her to start seeking it. She signed up for MySpace and met a couple guys on there that she ended up having phone sex with, sharing pictures, and sexting. Then she found her way to Experience Project site where it appears a lot of open sex talk goes on, including fantasy stories. She started there sometime around late March.
During these months leading up to this, God, morals, what she'd always believed, was put away in a closet and hidden so she didn't have to think about it. She compartmentalized her life so that this sexy life, being naughty and desiring sexual experiences with men was over here, and mom and good wife with husband was over there. And all this time, even up to today, we have sex nearly every day. The switch has never gone off. But by separating them like this, she could live the double-life and not have to think that one would affect the other.
She got into reading all sorts of sex fantasy stories and having sex chats with several guys on there. I had no clue this was going on. Oddly enough, the computer she did all this on was in the living room. But she was good at noticing when I was coming down the hall and switching tabs to Facebook or something else. But it was part of her hidden life that she didn't want me to know about.
Also back in March, she and my son signed up and started to go to the local gym to workout. She wanted me to go, and in retrospect I should have. But I'm a writer and have limited amount of time to write along with my full time job. I hated to lose two to three hours every evening to working out, as much as I needed it. So I declined.
So when this one man came up and started working out next to her, and they started talking, she had no problem striking up a conversation with him, flirting with him. At first she wasn't that attracted to him, she considered him a friend and workout buddy. But they spent time together doing a common activity, something she always wished I would do. And over the period of a month, the friendship turned into holding hands, then kissing, and eventually sex in the back seat of his car.
So Monday of last week, that's what was going on that I didn't even have a clue. Wouldn't have imagined she could ever do. To risk a whole life of marriage together on a guy she met at the gym. He knew she was married, and at one point she said she couldn't have an affair. But no sooner than they had that discussion, they did.
The affair had been going on for about a month last Monday. A couple of things made me suspicious. First, I poked my head over her shoulder while she was on the EP site. I really was playing around, didn't intend to pay that much attention to her screen. But she immediately shifted to a different program. I kept saying, "Let me see!" And she said "No, no, no" in a playful voice. So I gave up and left her, thinking it was just the standard idea that people don't like you to read over their shoulder. I didn't think anything about it.
Until later that evening. I was examining the cell phone bill, we have a family plan, and noticed she had an unusually high number of text. So I scanned down to the detail, and noticed a whole slew of picture text messages to several phone numbers as well as three different email addresses. One started early on the list and died off midway. There were three to another, and then another guy started up at no too long after the first guy died down. Unknown at the moment, that last guy was who she was having an affair with.
I asked her, because she was in the room, who (I named the two names off their email addresses) were and why she was sending pictures to them? She remained silent and didn't say anything.
That worried me. I couldn't imagine why she'd be sending all these picture text messages to strange guys I didn't know, and there were several phone numbers there I didn't recognize as well.
Tuesday rolled around and I went to work as usual, and didn't think too much about it during the day. But once home, I felt strongly that I needed to find out what the extent of her chatting was going on, and planned once she went to bed to look on her cell phone (strangely, she never set a password on it) to see what text she was getting and pictures she was sending. It so happened that she worked a big house that took ten hours to do that day. So she was late coming home. Didn't get home till around 7 or 8.
So I had plenty of time to download and install a key logger onto the computer she used. Then I went back to my normal work on my computer in our bedroom. She finally came home, and as usual sat down after getting some dinner (I had fixed it knowing she was getting home late) and started chatting away as usual.
When she went to bed, and was clearly asleep, I went into the living room to check the logs. I started reading. She was telling someone about the sex we'd had the night before, how good it was. And then, out of the blue, she says "Oh, so we're both cheating on our spouses." My heart came to a crashing halt. As I read on, she described having sex earlier that day with the guy, then working all day with him cleaning the house. She described what they'd done at the gym, that they had had sex, and that this was the first time she'd told anyone.
I rose from the chair saying, "NO NO NO NO!" over and over again. I sat in a big chair in the room, in total shock. Not believing what I had just read. I was in total shock. I went back and finished the log, read how she compared sex with me and sex with this other guy. I was torn to pieces.
Torn because of the deceit. Torn because of what I'd lost that could never be restored, that level of intimacy where I was the only person who had ever been in her, had ever pleasured her like that. That had been totally violated and could not be restored. And she talked about it in such glowing details, I couldn't imagine in a million years how she could talk like that about another man, have sex with another man, then come home and have sex with me as if everything was alright, normal, nothing unusual going on.
I know, I know. It happens all the time. I'm still in a bit of shock over the whole thing. But I've moved to anger and grief at the moment. Which are emotions I'm still trying to deal with.
But I'll go into next time what happened when I confronted her and where we have come to at this point in the past week. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday was our 29th anniversary weekend. To say the least, it was the most different weekend we've ever had for an anniversary getaway. More next time.
Then he sent her a text message that sent a dopamine high through her system. She explains it as near orgasmic, and from that moment she was addicted to that feeling. It wasn't so much the sex itself that she wanted, but the feeling of being desired, sought after, and the fantasies he fired off in her brain. IOW, a romance novel in a text.
I should have known this, as the main times she did come on strong to me in the past was after reading a romance novel. She'd have desire in her eyes and come after me. But this time she was interacting with a man. And a man she knew only wanted one thing, to have sex. No relationship, no commitment, he didn't even come across as caring that much for her as a person, they didn't communicate anything of who they were. All that mattered was the fantasy of a guy wanting her. Something that had never happened previously other than myself of course.
She made a decision to flirt back with him, and he kept pushing forward as a result. But she liked the flirting, and resisted taking it further though within her she really wanted it. He had stoked that desire to a high pitch, and she was fighting it with all she had, even while other parts of her worked to wear down her resolve.
She had told me about the initial flirting, and how it had made her feel. But she made it sound so friendly, and I didn't have any idea just how profound and effect it was having on her. She had a civil war going on in herself. One part craved him, the other said your stupid for even thinking about that, for risking 28.5 years of a good marriage.
What I did experience was a 180 degree shift in her desire for sex with me. Overnight, she went from a "ho hum, yeah, I guess we can do it tonight, it has been three weeks" to a "I want you now, every night!" Sometimes we'd do it more. She craved it with me. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. I had no idea what had caused this change in her. I knew it had something to do with this man flirting with her, but what I didn't know. All I knew is suddenly, what I had always desired in our 28.5 years of marriage had finally at long last come true. She wanted sex with me, every night.
I figured it would be a phase. It had happened before. But no, this man had flipped a switch in her and that was it. She was hooked.
But the problem was I thought to myself, "I know this man did something to her, but I'm benefiting from it. As long as I keep her sexually satisfied, she won't go looking for it with this guy or anyone else." But what the other guy provided was something other than sex. He provided a fantasy and excitement. As a matter of fact, she never had sex with that guy.
He ended up needing to move out of town. She kept me informed of that, and inside I was glad because I could tell she had a way too unhealthy attachment to this man, and inside it scared me. But she swore all she'd ever done was flirt with him, and that she had told him she couldn't have sex with him and he understood. What she didn't tell me is how much inside she really wanted to do it. I'm not sure even she knew fully.
On the last day before he was to leave town, they met secretly at a drive-in restaurant and sat in the car to talk. He wanted her to give him oral. She said she couldn't. He pulled it out, and next thing she knew, she was on him. He left town, and she came home. That ended up being her first physical sexual experience with someone other than me. She didn't tell me all this part until last week. This all happened last year, in October through December.
She also told me something else I didn't know. He came back a couple weeks later to get some more stuff, tie up lose ends, etc. She told him she didn't have any clients on Wed. afternoon. He wanted to meet her then. And she wanted to as well. She didn't know if it would end in sex, but decided then if he went there, she wouldn't stop him. She wanted it. They didn't make a date, but on Wednesday he started texting her and attempting to draw her in.
But early that day she became scared and as she put it had a "moment of clarity." Realized she was in dangerous territory, and called me to make a lunch date. Luckily I did. So while we ate, he was texting her, trying to get her to meet him. As we left the restaurant, she asked if I would like to go home and have sex. Luckily I did as she would have had time to go to him otherwise. Once we did, she didn't need sex, and she was out of time, and so that meeting never happened. He left later that week not having seen her, and as a result of that, never has tried to contact her again.
While that appeared to be divine intervention, it had another effect. She was hooked, and inside hated that she'd never had sex with this man. It was like a missed opportunity to experience something totally new and exciting, to fulfill a fantasy. This caused her to start seeking it. She signed up for MySpace and met a couple guys on there that she ended up having phone sex with, sharing pictures, and sexting. Then she found her way to Experience Project site where it appears a lot of open sex talk goes on, including fantasy stories. She started there sometime around late March.
During these months leading up to this, God, morals, what she'd always believed, was put away in a closet and hidden so she didn't have to think about it. She compartmentalized her life so that this sexy life, being naughty and desiring sexual experiences with men was over here, and mom and good wife with husband was over there. And all this time, even up to today, we have sex nearly every day. The switch has never gone off. But by separating them like this, she could live the double-life and not have to think that one would affect the other.
She got into reading all sorts of sex fantasy stories and having sex chats with several guys on there. I had no clue this was going on. Oddly enough, the computer she did all this on was in the living room. But she was good at noticing when I was coming down the hall and switching tabs to Facebook or something else. But it was part of her hidden life that she didn't want me to know about.
Also back in March, she and my son signed up and started to go to the local gym to workout. She wanted me to go, and in retrospect I should have. But I'm a writer and have limited amount of time to write along with my full time job. I hated to lose two to three hours every evening to working out, as much as I needed it. So I declined.
So when this one man came up and started working out next to her, and they started talking, she had no problem striking up a conversation with him, flirting with him. At first she wasn't that attracted to him, she considered him a friend and workout buddy. But they spent time together doing a common activity, something she always wished I would do. And over the period of a month, the friendship turned into holding hands, then kissing, and eventually sex in the back seat of his car.
So Monday of last week, that's what was going on that I didn't even have a clue. Wouldn't have imagined she could ever do. To risk a whole life of marriage together on a guy she met at the gym. He knew she was married, and at one point she said she couldn't have an affair. But no sooner than they had that discussion, they did.
The affair had been going on for about a month last Monday. A couple of things made me suspicious. First, I poked my head over her shoulder while she was on the EP site. I really was playing around, didn't intend to pay that much attention to her screen. But she immediately shifted to a different program. I kept saying, "Let me see!" And she said "No, no, no" in a playful voice. So I gave up and left her, thinking it was just the standard idea that people don't like you to read over their shoulder. I didn't think anything about it.
Until later that evening. I was examining the cell phone bill, we have a family plan, and noticed she had an unusually high number of text. So I scanned down to the detail, and noticed a whole slew of picture text messages to several phone numbers as well as three different email addresses. One started early on the list and died off midway. There were three to another, and then another guy started up at no too long after the first guy died down. Unknown at the moment, that last guy was who she was having an affair with.
I asked her, because she was in the room, who (I named the two names off their email addresses) were and why she was sending pictures to them? She remained silent and didn't say anything.
That worried me. I couldn't imagine why she'd be sending all these picture text messages to strange guys I didn't know, and there were several phone numbers there I didn't recognize as well.
Tuesday rolled around and I went to work as usual, and didn't think too much about it during the day. But once home, I felt strongly that I needed to find out what the extent of her chatting was going on, and planned once she went to bed to look on her cell phone (strangely, she never set a password on it) to see what text she was getting and pictures she was sending. It so happened that she worked a big house that took ten hours to do that day. So she was late coming home. Didn't get home till around 7 or 8.
So I had plenty of time to download and install a key logger onto the computer she used. Then I went back to my normal work on my computer in our bedroom. She finally came home, and as usual sat down after getting some dinner (I had fixed it knowing she was getting home late) and started chatting away as usual.
When she went to bed, and was clearly asleep, I went into the living room to check the logs. I started reading. She was telling someone about the sex we'd had the night before, how good it was. And then, out of the blue, she says "Oh, so we're both cheating on our spouses." My heart came to a crashing halt. As I read on, she described having sex earlier that day with the guy, then working all day with him cleaning the house. She described what they'd done at the gym, that they had had sex, and that this was the first time she'd told anyone.
I rose from the chair saying, "NO NO NO NO!" over and over again. I sat in a big chair in the room, in total shock. Not believing what I had just read. I was in total shock. I went back and finished the log, read how she compared sex with me and sex with this other guy. I was torn to pieces.
Torn because of the deceit. Torn because of what I'd lost that could never be restored, that level of intimacy where I was the only person who had ever been in her, had ever pleasured her like that. That had been totally violated and could not be restored. And she talked about it in such glowing details, I couldn't imagine in a million years how she could talk like that about another man, have sex with another man, then come home and have sex with me as if everything was alright, normal, nothing unusual going on.
I know, I know. It happens all the time. I'm still in a bit of shock over the whole thing. But I've moved to anger and grief at the moment. Which are emotions I'm still trying to deal with.
But I'll go into next time what happened when I confronted her and where we have come to at this point in the past week. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday was our 29th anniversary weekend. To say the least, it was the most different weekend we've ever had for an anniversary getaway. More next time.
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