Journey Through Adultery - 6-25-11
I guess these have turned into weekly updates. Well, here's the next one.
Issue 1
From my perspective, this is a positive step. This week my wife moved from feeling the victim of her circumstances and "addiction" and our disconnect as a couple at a critical time, to owning what she chose to do. She's crying over the pain she's caused, the decisions she made that created that pain. IOW, she's moving toward repentance now, having taken the step of going from protecting herself from the reality of what she did, to acknowledging it and feeling sorry for what she did.
I certainly don't want her to go into despair over it. I do want her to move toward forgiveness, especially to forgive herself, because I know once she gets there, that true healing can take place within her. And I've always felt the biggest issue in all the affair was her disconnect from God, and the spiritual damage the affair did.
So I really felt she made some good progress this week, and she continues to amaze me with how much progress she is making. This is a constant source of hope for the future of our marriage. I strongly feel she will get past all this, and will be a solid wife I can depend on.
Issue 2
This one is beginning to worry me a bit, and it is mostly about myself. As anyone who's read my journal would know, I am a published fantasy author. I also write some science fiction. Problem is, I've hardly written a thing other than on this site. Last weekend, I worked on it and squeezed out five lines of dialog. This Saturday, nothing. Didn't even open the document up.
At first, I thought I wasn't writing much because I was spending all my spare time with my wife, investing in her. I figured it was a time issue. Once I was able to start carving out some time, I would get back into it. But that hasn't happened.
Instead, I feel like there is a barrier. I sit down and can't seem to bring myself to write. I'm not sure why, but I have a theory or two.
One, I think after having gone through such a major crisis as this, the writing seems pretty trivial. Can't say that's the case here, but perhaps could explain it.
Two, maybe because my time was so taken up with writing before, that I subconsciously see it as the culprit that left my wife feeling distance from me, and made her susceptible to the advances of a man. So I'm hesitant to get back into it, fearing I'll get sucked into it all again and cut her out of my life in favor of the advancement of a writing career.
And related to that, now that I think about it, what has often been the source of contention when she would come into the room expecting to talk with me, is I had trouble extracting myself from what I was writing, to pay attention to her. I tend to be highly focused at whatever I'm doing, and stopping in mid-sentence on a moment's notice to drop what I'm doing and pay attention to her is near impossible without it appearing I'm frustrated with her. So maybe I inwardly fear if I get back into writing again, I'll make that mistake again and I'll not spend the quality time of intimate conversation she so needs and desires.
But I'm not quite sure why I'm having a hard time getting back into it. Today I feared maybe it could be months, or never before I would be back writing hard. And if that happened, all the projects I'm working on would die a slow death. I have four novels I'm editing and a series I'm in the middle of.
And today, in thinking about that, I started to feel a bit depressed, and nearly came to tears. Not even sure if that was the full cause of that, but it appeared to come on when I started thinking about the getting back to writing issue appears to be more than lack of time, but an inner block these events of the past weeks have brought on.
So I think I need prayer.
Issue 1
From my perspective, this is a positive step. This week my wife moved from feeling the victim of her circumstances and "addiction" and our disconnect as a couple at a critical time, to owning what she chose to do. She's crying over the pain she's caused, the decisions she made that created that pain. IOW, she's moving toward repentance now, having taken the step of going from protecting herself from the reality of what she did, to acknowledging it and feeling sorry for what she did.
I certainly don't want her to go into despair over it. I do want her to move toward forgiveness, especially to forgive herself, because I know once she gets there, that true healing can take place within her. And I've always felt the biggest issue in all the affair was her disconnect from God, and the spiritual damage the affair did.
So I really felt she made some good progress this week, and she continues to amaze me with how much progress she is making. This is a constant source of hope for the future of our marriage. I strongly feel she will get past all this, and will be a solid wife I can depend on.
Issue 2
This one is beginning to worry me a bit, and it is mostly about myself. As anyone who's read my journal would know, I am a published fantasy author. I also write some science fiction. Problem is, I've hardly written a thing other than on this site. Last weekend, I worked on it and squeezed out five lines of dialog. This Saturday, nothing. Didn't even open the document up.
At first, I thought I wasn't writing much because I was spending all my spare time with my wife, investing in her. I figured it was a time issue. Once I was able to start carving out some time, I would get back into it. But that hasn't happened.
Instead, I feel like there is a barrier. I sit down and can't seem to bring myself to write. I'm not sure why, but I have a theory or two.
One, I think after having gone through such a major crisis as this, the writing seems pretty trivial. Can't say that's the case here, but perhaps could explain it.
Two, maybe because my time was so taken up with writing before, that I subconsciously see it as the culprit that left my wife feeling distance from me, and made her susceptible to the advances of a man. So I'm hesitant to get back into it, fearing I'll get sucked into it all again and cut her out of my life in favor of the advancement of a writing career.
And related to that, now that I think about it, what has often been the source of contention when she would come into the room expecting to talk with me, is I had trouble extracting myself from what I was writing, to pay attention to her. I tend to be highly focused at whatever I'm doing, and stopping in mid-sentence on a moment's notice to drop what I'm doing and pay attention to her is near impossible without it appearing I'm frustrated with her. So maybe I inwardly fear if I get back into writing again, I'll make that mistake again and I'll not spend the quality time of intimate conversation she so needs and desires.
But I'm not quite sure why I'm having a hard time getting back into it. Today I feared maybe it could be months, or never before I would be back writing hard. And if that happened, all the projects I'm working on would die a slow death. I have four novels I'm editing and a series I'm in the middle of.
And today, in thinking about that, I started to feel a bit depressed, and nearly came to tears. Not even sure if that was the full cause of that, but it appeared to come on when I started thinking about the getting back to writing issue appears to be more than lack of time, but an inner block these events of the past weeks have brought on.
So I think I need prayer.
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