Journey Through Adultery
I'm not sure exactly how to start this. It's been just over a week ago now when I discovered my wife was seeing another man, having sex with him. As a matter of fact, it was about 2:00 pm (one hour from now as I write this) last Wednesday when I confronted her about this.
I need to give some history first. We've been married for 29 years. We had our anniversary this past weekend. Planned on going to a B&B for an extended weekend. I won't go into all the details, many stories I could tell, but let's just say while I loved my wife deeply, we were not without our problems. Sex was one issue early on, as my expectations and desire didn't match hers. We had avoided intercourse during our dating, but in the months leading up to the wedding had been involved in oral. We are both Christians, but we justified that since it wasn't intercourse, it didn't violate any morality codes. Easy to do in a society which is mostly accepting of it. And we did it practically every night.
So I figured when we got married, that pace and activity would continue. It didn't. It drastically dropped down. I struggled with this during the first fifteen years of our marriage. I had to nearly beg to have sex with her, and she acted like it was a chore, even though in the midst of it she seemed to enjoy it. But she had some emotional baggage and a wrong view of sex because of seeing some dirty pictures they'd found of her parents growing up, and it negatively affected her.
But that changed for the better. At first, gradually. Then she began to see sex as a marital sacrament, and that changed her perspective on it and allowed her to see it as something beautiful and good, not dirty. After that, she more readily had sex. I could just suggest it and she was ready to go. And she seemed to allow herself to enjoy it more. That said, her drive was a once to twice a month drive, not a nearly every day drive like my own. Not that I expected her to do it everyday, once a week would have been good. But she didn't often initiate the event, nor did she make much effort to carve out some time for us. She'd go to bed late having done all the duties, and fall asleep pretty quick. We did it when it was convenient for her.
By this point in our marriage, I was pretty happy. Prior to that, I'd decided she simply wasn't going to have sex with me very often. Though I could have, I couldn't see going elsewhere to get it. So I had become content with MO to satisfy me between our encounters. There were periods we did it more often, and periods where we might go a couple months or so before we did it again, but usually we'd land around once to twice a month.
Also, you should know that after our first child, my wife gained a lot of weight. She'd always thought of herself as fat even though she wasn't as a teen and when I first met her. She was by no means skinny, but "big boned" and heavy set. While no model, to me her body looked pretty good. But her low self-esteem at the time couldn't allow her to see it. And as she had each of our three children, it appeared she added weight. At our marriage she was in the 160s, and after our third child she was in the 260s. By then she's sort of accepted her status as "fat" and did little about it, having gone on several diets without success.
Then one day in our local paper I noticed an ad for hypnosis for weight loss. I tossed it to her, almost as a joke, and said, "Look at that." I didn't think it would work. But she became interested, ended up going to it, ended up using it, and to make a long story short, she lost weight down to around 185. That was about 2.5 or 3 years ago.
What that did to her view of herself was pretty amazing. She started seeing herself as skinnier and sexy. Her clothing habits changed. She started wearing jeans again. She really did (and does) look great again. Not that I would have ever complained before, but I was mostly happy that she was healthier. So her outlook and attitude changed.
And I think that was the beginning of what lead to this road. Because she started unintentionally sending signals to other men. She liked the attention people were giving her. She felt sexy and communicated it to others, and fed off it.
But I need to tell you one other things before we dive into the events itself. For both her and me, neither of us have ever had sex with anyone else. Not even oral or playing around. I've never seen in real life a naked body other than hers. I have ended up watching porn too frequently in the past, which she knew about and was okay with, but it still wasn't a good thing. But I'd never physically seen or touched another woman's privates. Likewise, I was the only man she'd ever been with. One man tried to rape her when she was a teen, but she escaped before it got very far.
I and her considered that something special that we shared together. I know few marriages can say that in this day and age. I know few couple have that exclusive type of intimacy with each other, where they can say, "You're the only person who's ever done this to me." That was something I treasured, knowing how rare it was. And partly because she'd never had a high sex drive, nor was she a "knock out," and knowing her commitment to me, I figured I was pretty safe from her ever having a desire for anyone else. We trusted each other explicitly. I didn't worry about her in the least, even when she went to clean the house of some bachelor. I knew there was a possibility it could happen, something like 0.00005%.
IOW, you can obviously tell I didn't see this coming. But never in a million years would I have thought she would risk 29 years of while not perfect, still a very good and happy marriage on a little fling. That's the set up, I'll come back later to tell the "...rest of the story."
I need to give some history first. We've been married for 29 years. We had our anniversary this past weekend. Planned on going to a B&B for an extended weekend. I won't go into all the details, many stories I could tell, but let's just say while I loved my wife deeply, we were not without our problems. Sex was one issue early on, as my expectations and desire didn't match hers. We had avoided intercourse during our dating, but in the months leading up to the wedding had been involved in oral. We are both Christians, but we justified that since it wasn't intercourse, it didn't violate any morality codes. Easy to do in a society which is mostly accepting of it. And we did it practically every night.
So I figured when we got married, that pace and activity would continue. It didn't. It drastically dropped down. I struggled with this during the first fifteen years of our marriage. I had to nearly beg to have sex with her, and she acted like it was a chore, even though in the midst of it she seemed to enjoy it. But she had some emotional baggage and a wrong view of sex because of seeing some dirty pictures they'd found of her parents growing up, and it negatively affected her.
But that changed for the better. At first, gradually. Then she began to see sex as a marital sacrament, and that changed her perspective on it and allowed her to see it as something beautiful and good, not dirty. After that, she more readily had sex. I could just suggest it and she was ready to go. And she seemed to allow herself to enjoy it more. That said, her drive was a once to twice a month drive, not a nearly every day drive like my own. Not that I expected her to do it everyday, once a week would have been good. But she didn't often initiate the event, nor did she make much effort to carve out some time for us. She'd go to bed late having done all the duties, and fall asleep pretty quick. We did it when it was convenient for her.
By this point in our marriage, I was pretty happy. Prior to that, I'd decided she simply wasn't going to have sex with me very often. Though I could have, I couldn't see going elsewhere to get it. So I had become content with MO to satisfy me between our encounters. There were periods we did it more often, and periods where we might go a couple months or so before we did it again, but usually we'd land around once to twice a month.
Also, you should know that after our first child, my wife gained a lot of weight. She'd always thought of herself as fat even though she wasn't as a teen and when I first met her. She was by no means skinny, but "big boned" and heavy set. While no model, to me her body looked pretty good. But her low self-esteem at the time couldn't allow her to see it. And as she had each of our three children, it appeared she added weight. At our marriage she was in the 160s, and after our third child she was in the 260s. By then she's sort of accepted her status as "fat" and did little about it, having gone on several diets without success.
Then one day in our local paper I noticed an ad for hypnosis for weight loss. I tossed it to her, almost as a joke, and said, "Look at that." I didn't think it would work. But she became interested, ended up going to it, ended up using it, and to make a long story short, she lost weight down to around 185. That was about 2.5 or 3 years ago.
What that did to her view of herself was pretty amazing. She started seeing herself as skinnier and sexy. Her clothing habits changed. She started wearing jeans again. She really did (and does) look great again. Not that I would have ever complained before, but I was mostly happy that she was healthier. So her outlook and attitude changed.
And I think that was the beginning of what lead to this road. Because she started unintentionally sending signals to other men. She liked the attention people were giving her. She felt sexy and communicated it to others, and fed off it.
But I need to tell you one other things before we dive into the events itself. For both her and me, neither of us have ever had sex with anyone else. Not even oral or playing around. I've never seen in real life a naked body other than hers. I have ended up watching porn too frequently in the past, which she knew about and was okay with, but it still wasn't a good thing. But I'd never physically seen or touched another woman's privates. Likewise, I was the only man she'd ever been with. One man tried to rape her when she was a teen, but she escaped before it got very far.
I and her considered that something special that we shared together. I know few marriages can say that in this day and age. I know few couple have that exclusive type of intimacy with each other, where they can say, "You're the only person who's ever done this to me." That was something I treasured, knowing how rare it was. And partly because she'd never had a high sex drive, nor was she a "knock out," and knowing her commitment to me, I figured I was pretty safe from her ever having a desire for anyone else. We trusted each other explicitly. I didn't worry about her in the least, even when she went to clean the house of some bachelor. I knew there was a possibility it could happen, something like 0.00005%.
IOW, you can obviously tell I didn't see this coming. But never in a million years would I have thought she would risk 29 years of while not perfect, still a very good and happy marriage on a little fling. That's the set up, I'll come back later to tell the "...rest of the story."
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