Journey of Healing

Man, do I wish those moments from the past would whisk me away. The times when I felt truly innocent. Memories of the past give me bliss. I believe you can reclaim your innocence and maintain it, and I choose to think that this healing is in my future.

Losing your innocence is extremely difficult. The sexual assault I endured, my sister's death and the addiction to alcohol that almost ruined my life contributed to so much inner anguish. It also made me make huge mistakes on a personal level, regrets that I live with today. It's so difficult to live with a self you no longer recognize; one that is older, yet not necessarily wiser; possibly more beat up and knowledgable of the world. But, to what end?

I need to write every day. It could be on this journal. Every little insight I could glean from writing helps. Faith is ultimately the most important and is something I'm having trouble finding. I am trying to find it, and yet a kind of jadedness keeps it from fully flowering, a cynical outlook that is hardly befitting someone that believes in the universe's power. I've experienced enough magic in my personal life to know that God exists, and I believe she is Nature. I must put my faith in her during trying times, or I won't survive.