Journal for September 16, 2013

Woke up today with a message from my Aunt.  She's sick, really sick.  I'm honestly scared I'm going to lose her.  I've always been very close to her.  She said that she loves me and always will and that she's adored me since I popped out and she always will.  She said that she's had a lot of difficulties dealing with the decisions I've made in my life and she doesn't know how to talk to me about it, so, she's just stayed away.  
I know I have made a lot of bad choices in my life.  Hell, I'm still making them.  I don't want to disappoint her more than I already have.  I look up to her more than anyone else in my family.  I want to tell her that I'm getting help.  I want to tell her that I'm trying to make my life better.  But, in all honesty.  I'm only getting help with my mentality.  I'm not actively looking for a job, I'm not doing much of anything with my life at this moment.  I want to tell her everything I'm going through.  I just don't know how.  I'm more apprehensive with her because I'm scared she won't understand.