Journals
Gee, it seems I've been a motor mouth, er,,motor hand, the last few days. Haven't written this many journals in such a short time in a long time. Soooo, it got me started thinking about all the journals I've written since I came here in 2007. Soooooo, I've begun reading the old ones. Although I've deleted a bunch for one reason or another, its a lot of reading! Its amazing the subjects I've written about. Some about my diseases,,,some about daily events,,,and some about frustrations. I've even used the journal for Christmas stories. I've told new friends to read my old journals to get to know me and see my journey. But, like I said, there's a lot of reading. In the passed day and a half, I haven't gotten through the second year,,,2008. There's three more years to go! By the way, what do you think of the background color. Thought I'd try it once. Not really impressed with it, but it could be good for the Christmas stories.
Replies
My journal experience was what allowed for my survival of crisis so much of the time. I\'m not sure why I felt we had a system of support in place for someone fighting advanced stage cancer who also experiences the loss of a spouse during the final week of chemotherapy, where the doctors after surgery allowed me to understand how \'dire\' my circumstances where even with my husband at my side supporting me. With his death the final week of chemotherapy was cancelled as I had no way to get myself to treatment. Even though so very ill and with the death of my husband along with the loss of our joint income hitting me I truly believed there would be the support needed to allow life to continue in spite of such crisis. This January will be the tenth anniversary of my husband\'s death along with that final week of chemotherapy which had to be skipped because of his death. A year ago I was assigned a social worker, why it took almost ten years for this to take place I have no understanding. A few months ago I was also assigned an \'advocate\' to help work with the resources in our community that would be of benefit to me. No actual help has been given but I assume each time they contact me they make note of it in a file somewhere and that keeps them at least appearing as though they are helping me where that appearance is the only help given so far. At least when they contact me lately they no longer issue the empty promises of help being given as they did when they first came to my home -- empty promises that cause more suffering I still seek to adjust to. We, as a society, do allow those in such crisis to die from severe neglect where I have discovered our focus is on money and those coping ill without family to care are as good as dead in so many \'practical\' ways -- I simply did not know this was our reality and it allows me to understand why we are in the sad state that is modern society -- based on greed and money at \'any cost\' to our collective values -- if they do exist beyond our empty hopes. Previous to this experience I never realized we allowed such a process of death without mercy to those in crisis. If I\'m suicidal I may have a \'referral\' to \'talk\' to someone and possibly be hospitalized where my pet birds will be left uncared for at home to die from such neglect as their lives mean no more to anyone than does my own. Once reality is fully accepted than survival by adapting may begin and it has changed me in ways that I\'m still seeking to feel at \'home\' with where I am working at getting to know this \'survivor\' as I mourn the loss of the person I was when well loved and cared for so many years ago.
Our shared journals/lives have brought needed support and have helped me to hang on to survive and adapt further to such as is this life. I wish I had not been so foolish as to think we were a society of values as to wake up in crisis forced me to see our collective truth and it is beyond harsh and ugly in so many ways. Without good health I may never be able to swim to the safety of shore once again to find a quality life to live but I am adapting to our collective truth.
For the good -- we are thankful.
I loved your Christmas stories. I\'m not sure if my eyes can handle the yellow but would still read the wonderful stories as they were such a joy and brought back the good feelings of Christmases past where life was quality and hope was without end.
((hugs))
:-) Patricia
Everybody LOVES a good story especially YOURS! The color? IDK...Try green on red or maybe brown on orange for Thanksgiving... I think it adds a note of Fun! May take a little adjusting for some folks but i think it changes it UP - I LIKE it! We are grateful for the creativity God has so graciously bestowed on yo. Please continue to allow it to flow... Got any good \"End of Summer\" OR \"Back to School\" type of stories so we don\'t have to wait until Christmas? Come on.. I know you do.. What was your best Labor Day yarn?
HUGS + LOVE
NDY