JOKE: You're not a kid anymore when ... By J Foxworthy
You’re not a kid anymore when … By J Foxworthy
“You buy shoes with crepe rubber soles.”
“You quit trying to hold in your stomach, no matter who walks into the room.”
“You have to reintroduce yourself at your class reunion … and you were class president.”
“You are proud of your lawn mower.”
“You no longer get carded for buying liquor or cigarettes and don’t expect to.”
“You start singing or humming along with the elevator music.”
“You really do want a new washing machine or dishwasher as a gift.”
“You enjoy watching the news.”
“You would rather go to work than stay home.”
“The phone rings and you hope it’s not for you.”
“You’ve owned clothes so long that they’ve come back into style … twice.”
“You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.”
“You don’t remember when you got that mole … or the one next to it …”
“You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations (Tell me the part again about how they did the tubes … )”
“Your bathing suit has sleeves.”
“You send money to PBS.”
“You no longer run up stairs. (You rest half way. You pull yourself along the bannister. You crawl.”)
“The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.”
“Sons and daughters of relatives you barely remember, or don’t remember at all, send you wedding and graduation invitations.”
“Headlights bother your eyes, so you don’t like to drive after dark.”
“Things you bought new start showing up in antique stores.”
“You take a metal detector to the beach because its fun.”
“You have more than two spare-pair of glasses.”
“Digestion is a consideration when reading a menu. (What do you have that’s been ordered TWICE by a person my age?)”
“You begin a sentence by saying, “When I was younger … “
“You wear socks with sandals.”
“You point out what used to be, where that building is now a LOT.”
“You are startled by how young the doctor is.”
“You fill up the tank whenever you buy gas.”
“You can’t remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.”
“You make everyone be quiet during weather bulletins.”
“You drive the interstate and never leave the right-hand lane.”
“Comfort takes the place of fashion.”
“The top of your pants is closer to your armpits than to your waist.”
“You are always cold.”
“Someone sees you naked and screams.”
“The shopping mall is your fitness center.”
“People see your teen age pictures and laugh.”
“You start believing that you really did walk ten miles to school in the snow and then another ten to get home every day in the middle of winter when you were five years old.”
“You can go bowling without drinking.”
“You get excited about jury duty.”
“You actually call about the adjustable bed they sell on T.V. and BUY it.”
“You buy shoes with crepe rubber soles.”
“You quit trying to hold in your stomach, no matter who walks into the room.”
“You have to reintroduce yourself at your class reunion … and you were class president.”
“You are proud of your lawn mower.”
“You no longer get carded for buying liquor or cigarettes and don’t expect to.”
“You start singing or humming along with the elevator music.”
“You really do want a new washing machine or dishwasher as a gift.”
“You enjoy watching the news.”
“You would rather go to work than stay home.”
“The phone rings and you hope it’s not for you.”
“You’ve owned clothes so long that they’ve come back into style … twice.”
“You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.”
“You don’t remember when you got that mole … or the one next to it …”
“You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations (Tell me the part again about how they did the tubes … )”
“Your bathing suit has sleeves.”
“You send money to PBS.”
“You no longer run up stairs. (You rest half way. You pull yourself along the bannister. You crawl.”)
“The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.”
“Sons and daughters of relatives you barely remember, or don’t remember at all, send you wedding and graduation invitations.”
“Headlights bother your eyes, so you don’t like to drive after dark.”
“Things you bought new start showing up in antique stores.”
“You take a metal detector to the beach because its fun.”
“You have more than two spare-pair of glasses.”
“Digestion is a consideration when reading a menu. (What do you have that’s been ordered TWICE by a person my age?)”
“You begin a sentence by saying, “When I was younger … “
“You wear socks with sandals.”
“You point out what used to be, where that building is now a LOT.”
“You are startled by how young the doctor is.”
“You fill up the tank whenever you buy gas.”
“You can’t remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.”
“You make everyone be quiet during weather bulletins.”
“You drive the interstate and never leave the right-hand lane.”
“Comfort takes the place of fashion.”
“The top of your pants is closer to your armpits than to your waist.”
“You are always cold.”
“Someone sees you naked and screams.”
“The shopping mall is your fitness center.”
“People see your teen age pictures and laugh.”
“You start believing that you really did walk ten miles to school in the snow and then another ten to get home every day in the middle of winter when you were five years old.”
“You can go bowling without drinking.”
“You get excited about jury duty.”
“You actually call about the adjustable bed they sell on T.V. and BUY it.”
Replies
Foxworthy has it all together. Everything sooooo true.
you might be a redneck, if...)