JOKE: What do we want? Better memory...//repetitive dream about animals//h died of colon cancer///
JOKE:
What do we want? Better memory! When do we want it? Want what?
Wish this wasn't true. lmao.
So, i get one of those stomach aches that tells you something is wrong out there - i've always gotten those and can sometimes even pinpoint who/what it is ... I have also been having this whacko repetitive dream, sometimes its a rabbit and sometimes its a kitten, that isn't fed and i've "forgotten" about it, and it wakes me up and its confusing and then i think to myself, i'm not doing that side of rescue right now. its very real and very confusing until i truly wake up and out of it.
i used to feel like this sometimes ten-plus years ago if i was doing a lot of bottlefeeding of multiple litters (and overwhelmed) at the other house and then i'd wake up in the middle of the night and scurry around checking all the bottlefeeds, who were generally fine. no idea where its coming from now. will have to go to the dream group on here and have someone analyze it. it could also be that i ate some heavy food late at night, that also brings on active dreams, disrupted sleep, nightmares.
2016 can be written up as the year of death:
i'm looking at wedding snapshots on facebook and perusing around and i notice h didn't post again. he normally posts a lot and hasn't for a while. NOTHING actually, not even current events, and he's one of the few people whose page i enjoy for snaps with a long original story and snaps with opinions on current events.
so i say out loud and kidding around, maybe he died (so many people have died this year, mostly people's parents. I was kidding, even though i knew he had been in the hospital recently and in a lot of pain, i guess that happens even without chemo, once the cancer really gets you.)
i type in his name and there it is. i was stunned! not even 50 yet. cancer as always. i knew he was all messed up from car wrecks. i had forgotten he had also been battling cancer for a long time. wth? what is also so strange is the person he was closest to isn't mentioned in his obit at all because legally there is no tie. but she and her kids should still be there, she was the person closest to him for nearly 30 years - most marrieds or sibling ties don't even have that.
he had a crush on her in his late teens during college, which never faded even 30 years later even though the "crush" was entirely one-sided, to her he was a friend, and to him she was basically his wife without the rest of it. it became this whole legal thing for other reasons right in the beginning of it. they stayed friends anyway, which was shocking and then you just got used to it as it was, and didn't know what to think.
after she married a couple of times and had kids he became more like a family member to her kids. they talked on the phone on and off all day long - every single day, and most people don't do that. they should have added to the obit, special friend and her children or something, he would have wanted that, as she was the one he was closest to. another reason people should write their own obits in advance.
so strange. his page is there as though he was "in the next room" but he is definitely gone. RIP h.
2016 sucks by the way. maybe its good that we lose memory as we get older.
What do we want? Better memory! When do we want it? Want what?
Wish this wasn't true. lmao.
So, i get one of those stomach aches that tells you something is wrong out there - i've always gotten those and can sometimes even pinpoint who/what it is ... I have also been having this whacko repetitive dream, sometimes its a rabbit and sometimes its a kitten, that isn't fed and i've "forgotten" about it, and it wakes me up and its confusing and then i think to myself, i'm not doing that side of rescue right now. its very real and very confusing until i truly wake up and out of it.
i used to feel like this sometimes ten-plus years ago if i was doing a lot of bottlefeeding of multiple litters (and overwhelmed) at the other house and then i'd wake up in the middle of the night and scurry around checking all the bottlefeeds, who were generally fine. no idea where its coming from now. will have to go to the dream group on here and have someone analyze it. it could also be that i ate some heavy food late at night, that also brings on active dreams, disrupted sleep, nightmares.
2016 can be written up as the year of death:
i'm looking at wedding snapshots on facebook and perusing around and i notice h didn't post again. he normally posts a lot and hasn't for a while. NOTHING actually, not even current events, and he's one of the few people whose page i enjoy for snaps with a long original story and snaps with opinions on current events.
so i say out loud and kidding around, maybe he died (so many people have died this year, mostly people's parents. I was kidding, even though i knew he had been in the hospital recently and in a lot of pain, i guess that happens even without chemo, once the cancer really gets you.)
i type in his name and there it is. i was stunned! not even 50 yet. cancer as always. i knew he was all messed up from car wrecks. i had forgotten he had also been battling cancer for a long time. wth? what is also so strange is the person he was closest to isn't mentioned in his obit at all because legally there is no tie. but she and her kids should still be there, she was the person closest to him for nearly 30 years - most marrieds or sibling ties don't even have that.
he had a crush on her in his late teens during college, which never faded even 30 years later even though the "crush" was entirely one-sided, to her he was a friend, and to him she was basically his wife without the rest of it. it became this whole legal thing for other reasons right in the beginning of it. they stayed friends anyway, which was shocking and then you just got used to it as it was, and didn't know what to think.
after she married a couple of times and had kids he became more like a family member to her kids. they talked on the phone on and off all day long - every single day, and most people don't do that. they should have added to the obit, special friend and her children or something, he would have wanted that, as she was the one he was closest to. another reason people should write their own obits in advance.
so strange. his page is there as though he was "in the next room" but he is definitely gone. RIP h.
2016 sucks by the way. maybe its good that we lose memory as we get older.
Replies
Wish I had your address. I would have sent you a Birthday Card!!! I hope you have a really wonderful birthday!!!!! You deserve it... Big Birthday hugs!!!!!!!!!!
thanks gramybear
h was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2008. they gave him 18 months to live. instead he lived 7 years. he sold the store that he owned and worked at by then. before that his parents owned it and he had worked in it, since he was 16 at various locations - a mall, a flea market and then the shop closer to their home.
he was one of those people who needed a personal phone, in addition to a regular phone at his business because he spent so much of his day hanging out on the phone talking to people. he LOVED to talk. he would call radio stations and talk. he would talk to concert people all the time. that was his life. when he lived with his parents and acted like this, i figured it was because he had so much time on his hands. when he was still doing that while at work it was like, maybe you should have your own talk show. lol.
he was one of two people who i knew who were like that. jy\'s father in hollywood, florida who was a former hippi used to do that as well. he had a pony tail down his back all through the 80\'s when that wasn\'t really in. when being a hippi was \"in\" they would call talking like that, rap sessions. i understood it in jy\'s father, i figured he was stoned.
with h, he was TOTALLY STRAIGHT his entire life and he was still like that. lol. he was off the cuff genuine. he is also the second person i knew who beat the odds with cancer by NOT going on chemo. now if the government would legalize cannibas oil, and b-17 vitamin we could see what else might actually WORK for eradicating cancer. h was 41 when he was diagnosed. he sold the store and figured that was it. everyone on the block where the store was knew him, because he talked so much and looked so rock and roll. one girl who owned another shop on that block, called him \"the mayor of the block\". i knew him as a rock photographer and never realized until later that he continued working in his father\'s shop and he had become the owner with his mom as a silent partner.
he had left college because he wanted to be home and refused to go back to college unless his mother moved to the town where he was attending college. we couldn\'t believe it. in other words, he was homesick. it became a very big thing because the years go on and he still wasn\'t done with school.
when i bought the house on the hill, he and L the girl that he viewed as his wife and she viewed him as a friend only, wanted to move in - it was a spacious home, two en suites on the first floor and two en suites on the second floor. i had shared the house with two actors who were missing, thanks to bda\'s mother (and are still missing) and her brother a locksmith, who helped her mother break into my house.
h and L didn\'t think it was safe for me to be there and i didn\'t think it was safe for them to be there because of the way bda\'s family acts. her brother promised not to come by. of course he did. L was also the only person who was on jy\'s side, an ex of mine who was doing his residency at the same hospital where L was working and studying nursing. i used to see jy on and off by then and didn\'t really trust him at all. still wouldn\'t. bda\'s mother wanted me to rent to bda along with h and L even though bda wasn\'t in the arts and wasn\'t in school AND bda owed me a lot of money, in addition to owing me 4 months of rent that she hadn\'t paid, plus boxes missing and on and on and on and she had been caught breaking into my condo in south florida and my office in nyc. there was no reason to request bda be there. it would be total CHAOS. bda had had a flat mate when she was first on her own and like a typical menace would go into her flat mates personal things, mail, phone messages, money, jewelry -- she wasn\'t someone who should ever share a house or live with other living things on any level - not even down the hall from others, not even in the same building. seriously. i told her mother not a chance and her mother got ugly about it. what else is new.
h was almost as bad as bda\'s mother, advocating FOR bda, so i told him to choose a house somewhere and HE can share space with bda on his own in some other house. it\'d be good for both of them. i won\'t and L won\'t and good luck. it was typical housing crap at that age, but generally no one\'s \"parents\" are involved in any of it - way too strange - and no one is such a huge tyrant that they are going to try to tell you who to live with. bda didn\'t want to live with h anyway.
in the end, the house was sold as it was the only way to get out from under the whole mess. the purchase was to avoid stress because i was already living there, and it ended up causing more stress because of bda and her family. what was even more shocking was when bda showed up uninvited in phili FIVE years later. wth?! that is a stalker, that isn\'t anything else. she also started stalking when we were shooting in nyc. she says she did this because her mother told her to. hmmm, you are over 18, you don\'t know how to figure out right from wrong. no one shows up at other people\'s work or home or school uninvited EVER. wth?!
in phili, we weren\'t even in touch by then and a lot of people in bda\'s own family had started suing her for break ins, so bda was back in court as a defendant, even though she was related to the people who owned the houses she broke into. who the hell acts like that? what was the most shocking was that she had started breaking into my condo, two years BEFORE i ever knew her from work. super creepy.
i remembered when bda was packing from florida and her brother was telling her not to pack up because they really don\'t want you back and no one but ma will put up with you. she had always told us it was her brother who was the problem in their family and she used to make up crap about him behind his back. he didn\'t know this until the 90\'s - he still put up with her anyway, which is why she thought other people would, and NONE of us would. she told her brother she was in so much trouble where she worked in court in florida, that she had no other choice but to leave. later we found out she left against court order because she hadn\'t gotten any of her transcript work in court done - 1000\'s of pages just sitting for two years by then. you can\'t do that - NO ONE does that. they actually had to re-try the cases she was on because it was such a disaster. i never found out the details of it because i was living in europe for a year by then and then back in usa and working in nyc.
then she started working in nyc and did the same thing in nyc - working without being certified and most of the work missing. her mother ordered a copy of my new york boards unbeknownst to me, and was trying to convince the state of new york that i had changed my name to bda\'s name. wth? that was the second person in the new york city area to do stuff like that. the other one with christiner. in florida it was karenb doing that and actually advertising fake diplomas, certifications, bar and medical licenses for a few hundred dollars each for people to purchase. she advertised in the inquirer. wonder if she ever went to jail for that because she should have. sickening. couldn\'t wait to get away from all of them.
at first you feel so awful about a death. h was younger than me and he is dead. and L is younger than him. bda was older than all of us and her brother older than her. h didn\'t do all that crap. bda and her mother and brother did. and there is more and worse actually, but this is too long. but when i think of h, i think of her and kind of run for it - a lot of people have that reaction to bda, its easier.
Sorry to hear your friend died and good that you wrote about him.Sounds like his friend was really his true love to him.Kind of sad that she never felt the same way. 2016 has been a heavy year for me.I lost my brother in 19th April.He was only 16mths older.Everyone seems to be moving forward and not suffering too much but I am feeling deep sadness and separation from him.One week after my brother died I lost my closest aunty who was like my mother during childhood.Now just innthe last week I have lost another aunty and uncle exactly one week apart again. Last year I lost one aunty and three uncles.Full on!!.They seem to have started a trend and they\'re all following each other.Bloody hell.Too many deaths too close together. Anyway I can handle it all but losing my brother David is stabbing at my heart. Have to learn to love and release.
I admire your compassion for animals.Maybe your dream is expressing anxiety in your life at present and is taking the form of your previous animal caring activities.Like an emotional substitution.If that makes sense. Hugs kind soul.xo
Hey the joke was funny .Had a good little therapeutic chuckle.
So sorry you lost your friend, 38! I lost my husband to cancer in May 2015. He lost his first wife that year as well, as long as his niece. Two out of three died of cancer. 2015 was my bad year. My daughter and SIL lost FOUR friends from drug over doses. That\'s still going on up here....all over actually.
As far as your dream. I think that you are just so devoted to your care taking of these animals that you dream of goofing up because you\'re so subconscisously feeling responsible, and it\'s a lot of weight to carry.
What you do is wonderful, 38. Again, sorry for your loss. Hope the dreams stop. And I hope you had a happy birthday. xo
Darla, sorry to hear about people od\'ing in your daughter\'s life. is it prescription medications conflicting with each other? you hear about stuff like that a lot on ds. scary.