John 7:37

I had not read my bible or done my devotions in ages.  I used to blog but stopped after I felt that some of the things that I share online was too personal. I learned to keep a lot of things to myself.  After awhile I also stopped going to church as I find that I do not fit in very well with mega churches.  And in a cosmopolitan city ... everyone is in a hurry ... jam every where ... I moved here from a small town a couple of years ago and this city is a very lonely place for me.  So I retracted into my comfort safe zone which only not kept me safe but also very alone.  My usual routine... get up early drive to work and rush back from work to beat the jam to my house .. watch tv.. play my computer games.  Lately been into Diablo 3.
This year was also a memorable year for me when I finally accepted that fact that I do have feelings for guys and I also came out to two of my friends. I don't cruise the websites or go to bars etc as I don't smoke or drink.  I guess the chances of me meeting someone is kinda slim.  Deep down.. I wish there was a soul mate/companion for me ... that will just want me for who I am.  
Anyway ... that emptiness/void in me ... was growing ... and I find myself hitting a wall.  Stuck in this safe zone that I have created for myself.  And this morning while I finally read my devotion .. this verse - John 7:37 - 
 If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink.
It struck me that God has already given me the invitation to come to Him to satisfy my thirst.  That He will fulfill me.... that I will thirst no more if I come and drink from Him.  I have drifted away from Him all these years ...when I was struggling with my sexual preferences.  I was reminded that I don't have to clean up my act to go back to Him, that He died for me on the cross just the way I am now... and He is asking me to come to Him just as I am.  Amen