Jesus, come to my rescue!

today went shitty, my painting class brought out the inner emotion in me and i let it out. I hate painting myself, it is not fun for me. i know what I see and then when I put it on the canvas it gets misinterpreted somewhere. I want to paint well and not to feel embarassed like I did today. I am so depressed and I feel like I need to let this out, I feel anxious, nervous, sad, mad, excited to see what tommorow brings but sometimes I feel that my mind is not working properly and I want to be a different person. It seems like everybody else is so smart and I am always at the bottom. What the hell happened to me since my childhood. Am i a waste of flesh what can I do for society if I make up excuses for why I can't. Was I blessed or cursed with this disease??????? Am I an artist or do I just want to be, or did i fall through the cracks because I wasn't good at anything else??I need to be rescued today, Lord lift me up!