Jerry, my brother Calie and the Step Mother
I got a phone call yesterday from my best friends daughter Mary Kay. Her mother Mary died 5 years ago. We were like sisters.. She had many ills and never complained. Anyway, Mary Kay told me that she had Jerry (Marys husband) in a golf tournament but couldnt reach him. After four days she sent her Brother in law to check in on him. Jerrys car was there but the front door was locked. Brian climbed through a window to find Jerry on the kitchen floor, he was dead and had probably been there for four days. So tragic... We think he had a heart attack. Funeral is today. I wasnt feeling well so I sent Ryan (my son) to stand in for me. Ryan loved Jerry and Mary. So another one bites the dust... When does it all end? He was such a wonderful human being.On Tuesday I got a call from my brother Clayton to tell me that mom had called him to tell him that my brother Calie is very ill. Ofcourse she wouldnt call me. Im not part of her family. Calie is 50 and 6 years ago had to have a pace maker and defibulator. Two years ago it quit working and he had to have another. He is very sick and filling up with fluids. I called his wife Sharon and she told me that she is really worried about him. She reminded me that my father had lived 6 years and two months with his heart disease. Calie is at 6 years and one month and is not doing well. She doesnt think he will be with us much longer.. This breaks my heart.. That is why there is the sad face.. I cant take any more of this, its wiping me out... I have been through so many deaths lately that I hate to pick up the phone or newspaper... I need a break from the heart break. While talking to Sharon she told me that she had been speaking to my step mother.. What a shocker, I havent heard from her in 19 years. She said that Jinx (my stepmother) had been asking about me. She is in a hospital about 200 miles from my home. She has cancer is isnt expected to live long. I called her on the tele and she sounded like we were long lost friends. I said this is Y'Vonne and she said you mean my girl Vonnie? I have missed you so much. Im thinking, then why did you disapear after my father died? Why did you sell of my grandfathers things and my dads, to an antique dealer, when I asked to purchase them myself for the same price a stranger was going to give you for them. Were you afraid that I might want something for free? I told her I would pay.. I wanted the memories of my family, the only things that were left.. But no she sold them to a stranger and then never contacted me again.. Not for 19 years. Now she is in the hospital dying from colon cancer and now she wants me to be there for her.I had to hold back some pretty angry thoughts as she wasnt always the kindest woman. If she would have had her way, I wouldnt have even got to see my dad before he passed away. Instead, I held back the anger and told her I would try to make it to see her. So my best friends hubby died, my brother is possibly dying and my good ole step mommy is on her way out.. I feel bad about Jerry and im devastated about my brother. I have mixed feelings about my step mommy. Im sure she wants me to help her with the bills or something.. Im sure it really isnt me she wants to see or maybe she has ran out of friends.. I dont know.. I guess I will find out soon...Thanks for listening and thanks for being here for me.. If it werent for you guys, I would be very lost right now, not to say Im not.... it would just be worse... I will keep you up to date... I love all of you with all my heart.. You have been the best friends anyone could ask for.. Especially since I dont have Mary anymore... Love you and stay safe.... Y'Vonne
Replies
omg hun! i am soooo very sorry! i wish i could take the pain away for you! you and them all are in my thoughts! tight tight hugs hun! you are right...you aren\'t alone! we will get though this!
Yep! Enough is enough! I know what it is like when it just keeps coming. At least for Jerry he is now with his wife. At least that is what I believe.. All you can do is the best you can, while keeping yourself going. If it were me, I would not bother with step mother, unless there is some unfinished business YOU want to put to rest. Give yourself to the ones who you love and who love you and don\'t bother with the rest. You don\'t need anymore right now. I wish I could get to a place where I could accept death better...even with my faith, I just hate it and hate dealing with it. It is hard enough but with already battling depression, I think it smacks us in the face with a boatload of negativity and it is hard to put it into any kind of comfortable perspective. Time..is all I have found..sometimes a lot of time. Hugs and here if you need to talk more.
ohh *hugs* thats awful. it\'s so much to deal with, and so many mixed feelings. and it sucks that we can\'t do anything about it except accept that these people are leaving us. i wish i could take away your pain, but i can\'t. you need to live it and experience it. but i\'ll be with you all the way.
\"The block of granite which is an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, becomes the stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong.\" - Thomas Carlyle
My heart goes out to you. You have such a big, caring heart. Take care of yourself first. Don\'t let yourself get too wore out. Please sleep enough and eat healthy. YOu need to remain physically healthy so you can work through all this. I know grieving is not easy. Especially when they\'re in the process of dying. Do what you can do that \'s best for you. As for your mother, sounds like unfinished business, but doesn\'t necessarily mean you have to visit or ignore her. I know when I grieve I feel a lot of anger, hurt and sadness. Those are normal. Please don\'t bottle them up as they occur, but deal with them in a healthy manner. Journaling about them and reaching out is a good outlet. Know that you\'re not alone. Helen
My heart goes out to you. You have such a big, caring heart. Take care of yourself first. Don\'t let yourself get too wore out. Please sleep enough and eat healthy. YOu need to remain physically healthy so you can work through all this. I know grieving is not easy. Especially when they\'re in the process of dying. Do what you can do that \'s best for you. As for your mother, sounds like unfinished business, but doesn\'t necessarily mean you have to visit or ignore her. I know when I grieve I feel a lot of anger, hurt and sadness. Those are normal. Please don\'t bottle them up as they occur, but deal with them in a healthy manner. Journaling about them and reaching out is a good outlet. Know that you\'re not alone. Helen
Man, that\'s a lot of tragedy. Please be gentle with yourself, you are going through a lot. It\'s so sad and unfair how your step mother has treated you. At the risk of sounding cold, please put yourself and wellbeing before hers. I know she is dying, but unless she truely asks for forgiveness, it sounds like another set up for you to be hurt. It\'s not okay for her to leave your life for 19 years and then expect you to be there when she needs someone. You\'re not bad if you decide not to see her. Please just take care of you first. You deserve what she could never give you.
I\'m so sorry hun :( You have dealt with so much in the past couple of months, I wish life would just give you a break. You and your family are in my prayers, and I\'m here if you EVER need anything.
*hugs* xxx
Oh Y\'vonne I am so so sorry. You have had to endure such loss lately........ I don\'t think I would still be standing.....you are such a strong woman. I am hoping that things start to turn around for you...and real soon...take care my friend :) x
im so sorry you have gone through so much lately , just wish you sould have a break from all of it , so much love and hugs for you hunny xxxxx
teddy bear im so sad to read this :( i know it must be really hard to go trhough and i really hope your brother recovers. as for your step mom - maybe she has looked back on her life and realised what she lost and what she could have? but like you said, theres only one way to find out x
i think you are so brave, and such a wonderful person to do the things you do. you amaze me, and i am so lucky to have you as a friend.
your red face will be back to green soon, im sure.
here if you need me. hugs and love xxxxxxxxxxxx
OMG im so sorry you are going through so much, you are such a strong and brave woman hun keep ur chin up things will get better im thinking off u and ur family and we will get through this....im here for u love ya xx
Oh crap that is a lot of life for one to get throwed at them! I do belive you will do the right thing which you only know of which it is. We have had one person burn up in their house here and to think of it I almost bought that house, glad I didn\'t. Larry had been drinking alot lately and was not found till yesterday and the ashes were cold, no one seen it.
I wish you well in whatever desision you make concerning your stepmom, be ever at ease because I realy know this one is a difficult end of life decision to make concerning the both of you and should not be taken lightly. Michael
i\'m sorry about your friends hubby,and especially your brother.I\'ll be praying for him.Also your stepmom.you know people use and use and use,and befoe they know it when they really need someone they find themselves all alone.I wouldn\'t blame you if you didn\'t ever go see her.That\'s where you have to go with your gut.good luck with all of it and as you told me,I\'m here if you need me.love you,Trish
when it rains it pours. Seems like you are gettng more than your share of funerals lately. Sorry, hon.
I am so sorry for all your heartbreak. Sometimes, it just seems too much for one to bear, doesnt it??I question when some people say, \'God doesnt give us more than we can bare\'. My thoughts are with you, as my prayers. Maybe your step mom is feeling bad about how she treated you?? And wants to see you one more time to make amends?? Or am I way off here?? Love, hugs and peace, it will get better, take care of yourself