Jerry day 1

Ok I flies across country today. Got off plane and went straight to the nursing home where Jerry now lives. I was warned about his conditions - he has pick disease, which is a form of dementia, and ALS Lou gherigs disease. When we first walked he did not know who I was and I think I scared him. In many ways he is now like a baby with his brain so far gone and his muscles deteriorating so fast. He can not walk or stand. He could barely hold a glass of water and can't feed himself. He is wheelchair bound and it's a major deal to get him in and out of it. After just a little bit he did know me. I could tell he was struggling to communicate he barely has enough breath to speak. He makes hand signals. Sometimes he tries to talk but can't think of the word and then just gives up or gets distracted or just plain forgets. We played checkers he could barely move a piece and doesn't grasp the game at all. He can't really count to three. This nursing home is extremely nice mostly dementia patients. I met them all. Jerry is by far the most advanced case.

In spite of all the medical and brain issues though he is still my brother. We talkEd together laughed cried. Any mention of our mother makes him cry. Marlene said today was q good day. There are days where he cries all day or stares at a blank wall. His doctors have said he would be gone by June. They explained to me the course of these diseases. He will progress to becoming mute, soon. He will be paralyzed with only his eyes and ears working. If his life continues that is what he has to look dorward to. I hugged him. I thanked him for being there with me during open heart surgery which he doesn't remember. I thanked him for staying connected to me and caring about me when I lived in California and the rest of the family was in Michigan. I thanked him for writing me all those letters which he doesn't remember.
Marlene has been so great to him. She sees him every morning and afternoon. She bakes for him and brings him treats. She is strong beyond words - she loves him and feels almost guilty that she can't take care of him at home. But it's not humanely possible. It takes at least 2 people to lift Jerry when he falls - she can't do it alone nor hire a staff of people. He gets great care even though he kept telling me let's go he wanted to go home. But he can't - he'll never leave that place.

I wonder what my visit did for him. For me this means everything. Appreciate every moment every day every blessing. I read to him from the bible but I don't think he comprehended the words. I'll see him again in the morning. Mar warned me that he may not know me and that tomorrow may not be one of his good days. She told me as this progresses he has fewer and fewer good days. I know when I was with him today that he had some good moments. Tomorrow I pray that he has a few more. I'm sure I'll write more tomorrow to get my impressions down.