Jerred would be 30 Today!!!!!
How could time pass so quicky. Jerred it seems like we just celebrated your 6th birthday and now if you were still here you would be a man of 30 years. The pain is the same, it has not waned when your birthday comes around. Then this year just when I thought I would have someone who loved me there to support me I don't. So the double pain to my heart is making me miserable, my mind will not shut down so I am lucky if I get an hour or 2 of sleep a night. I am so hurt, angry, disappointed, lonely, missing you tremendously, confused, frustrated, lost you name it that is what is going on. I know I deserve better than this and will not tolerate this treatment much longer. I am giving him a chance to get back to being the man I had for 51/2 months as he is a great person, but the person he is now can take a hike. He will have a while to come back to being the kind and loving man he was as he is dealing with his own issues, ust is not allowed to shut me out.
Your nephews and neice are adorable and so much fun. Don't get me wrong they all have very strong personalities and butt heads often, but when they are with me we always have fun. I wonder would you be married now and have kids? I know I would be extatic if you did, I love being a nana. Jono is now in the process of getting married to a wonderful lady Amanda and also into trying to have a baby as she just went of her bc. AShe gave hiim baby clothes for part of his birthday present which I thought was hilarious. I hope it happens quick a I am ready for more grandbabies, Joeys 3 are the loves of my life especially Joshie but they are getting older and it is time for a new baby.
I felt so bad at your grave yesterday when one of the frogs was broken. That started my breakdown sweeti, I am sorry I just miss you so very much bug and want you inmy life still. I know God had other plans and also one day we wil be together again. I can not wait to hold you and kiss you again. Have agreat Birthday with everyone in heaven baby and please shine on me so I know you are there for me too.
All my love forver until we meet again!!!!!
Replies
Imagining how life would be with Jerred still earth side is always something I believe each of us do, isn't it? Thinking of you today on his 30th birthday and hoping too that the situation with your boyfriend becomes something that serves you once again in the most positive of ways as it feels as if it did for a time.
Loving and gentle care your way,
XO Joanie
Praying you will feel Jerred beside you today, his love surrounding you. Happy Birthday Jerred. Hugs to you and your mom from Elissa and Cara
Hi my friend, it's so hard to see these milestone birthdays come & go with our child now residing in heaven.
If your boyfriend isn't treating you well, then remember not to settle. Expect the best from him for you. You deserve it!
Happy birthday to dearest Jerred! As he celebrates in heaven just know your sisters here celebrate him and are here to love and support you. It's good, as you did, to journal when feeling the hurt. We understand. Love to you and precious Jerred, Linda, Ed's mom ♡
Happy birthday to Jerred and much love being sent to you today while you remember his sweet ways. Leda
Thank you everyone for all the kind words, they mean so much to me . At this moment I feel so unlovable and yet I know that is not true. Jerred did shine for most of the day. I knew this year was going to be a rough one as after meeting so many new people through my boyfriend his story as been told quite a bit and really brought him back to the for front of my mind, now to get through August 10th, his angel day.
My boyfriend has a lot of his own demons he is fighting and I do understand that part. What I do not understand is how one day he can say he loves me and the next day he ca not say it anymore, did not know love was like a light switch that you can turn off an on when ever you want. Also I am a talker and a worrier so that he is shutting me out is driving me to the point of needing to pull my hair out. I d o have a private date set in my mind as to how long I will tolerate this attitude of his and if things have not changed he will come home to all of his things in garbage bags waiting for him, ask for the back money he owes me and my keys back, I really feel he is my soulmate but I walked on eggshells for way to many years with my ex and I refuse to do it again. I told him that the night we got reaquainted ( we went to high school together). I am to the point of thinking I am meant to be alone the rest of my life and I do not like it but I am strong enough to o it as I have since 2000.
Again thank you all for being here for me.
Lots of Hugs and Love to all of my sisters,
Susie
It gives me pause when I look back...my son would have been 29 this year, but forever 19. This is the decade mark come September for me...lots of reflection and memory lane trips since his birthday in June.
I celebrate his life and grieve his absence.
Stuck between 2 worlds it seems. I am happy to say that the little healers of my heart help so much keeping me in the present moment. (my little grandchildren--Daniel 19 months, Demi 3 months)
But the missing....ahhhh
That is why our group helps so much...a place to share and get and give support...sure makes the difference in my life.
(((((HUGS))))) AnnM
AnnM you are so right, being stuck between 2 worlds. On August 10th Jerred will have been gone 24 years already, and every year I literally relive the entire week from his drowning to the funeral service. I have 3 little healers, 2 of my boyfriends now also and yes they help tons. The thing is though nothing and no one can fill the place of our lost loved child. Jerred was only 6 when God called him so there are so many things I wonder about as to how life would be different, now I know it is not a possibility to have even have these thoughts because they will never happen. Someone told me once shortly after Jerr left that God calls children home because there is something bad in their future. Another thing to ponder and not be able to have an answer until we each meet our God. I wish I would have had this group from the beginning but even almost 24 years later I am thrilled to have found it as i everyone elses mind I, just as they are, should be over it. You never get over it, some years may be easier then others but you still remember the one we lost. Forever in out hearts and minds.
(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))) Susie