Jealousy and guilt..my favourite emotions.

So one of the girls in my mother's group has just announced she is pregnant again. I felt sick to my stomach with jealousy. I know that is so ungracious of me...especially when I already have a baby. THe thing is, the sting just never goes out of it. I remember when I first got pregnant, a friend of ours also announced she was pregnant too....I was so secretly jealous...she had never had to go through what my husband and I had been through..it just didn't seem fair.
I know, I know...I sound like a three year old. And yes, I feel like stomping my feet and making everything "fair" but it doesn't work like that.
So I feel guilty for being so jealous. I have no idea what these other people are also going through in their lives. 
I am just in a rut. I really feel like today of all days I need some support, but feel like I can't talk to anyone about al of this.
I am also having my PETCT scan today to see if there is cancer anywhere else...I am praying not. I am also stressing out about having my weight recorded by my colleagues...such a stupid thing I know but I feel I have no dignity left at the moment.
I guess that is what I feel about infertility...there is no fucking dignity in it. There is no unspoken miracle of having sex and producing a baby. It is all so mechanical and planned. There is no mystery...having to get dressed in front of a doctor who has just probed your lady parts because she is too busy to move to the next room to give you the dignity to dress in private..I guess she thinks, what does it matter..I have already seen and probed it all...being told when to have intercourse, when to take pills, when to stick pessaries up your bits, when they are going to probe those bits. I just feel like my body is no longer my own.
Anyway, incoherent whinge over...hopefully, by the time anyone reads this, I will be in a better head space.