Jeff
Jeff is still dead. Does anything else really matter? Sadly, the answer is yes. Other things, other people must matter to me now. I have spent 28 years making sure Jeff was my number 1 priority. Even after his brothers were born, they were not sick like Jeff was. Jeff was the most important. Was his heart beating, can you hear his mechanical valve ticking, is he too blue, does he have too many bruises from the coumadin, is his defibrillater working, is hIs pacemaker really pacing EVERY HEARTBEAT will he reject the new heart?
Now that Jeff has been gone for three years it is time for other people to matter to me. Why am I hesitating? Why do I feel like I'm cheating on the memory of my child if I care about someone, something else?
Now that Jeff has been gone for three years it is time for other people to matter to me. Why am I hesitating? Why do I feel like I'm cheating on the memory of my child if I care about someone, something else?
Replies
It IS a choice, isn\'t it? Your other boys will welcome you wholeheartedly...and you are not cheating Jeff...he knows you have and do love him with every breath you take...love to you...Karen
I think we may wonder if we truly can do both? Honor our children and be living a life that continues to go on wihout them? I believe each of us in our own way is trying to figure this out. Together we will support one another as we venture out and learn how to do this. I know our children want this for us and I have been making a habit of including Doug in this and asking him to help me find my way. Somehow to know that he is companioning me with this has eased the process a bit. Sending you love and peace today and lots of understanding my friend. Hugs, Joanie
i agree with Karen! i wish so many times that i had been blessed with other children. but Reece is my only one. now, i love on my friends\' children. it doesn\'t take away the love I have for Reece. it just shows that we have all this love to give and our children want us to share it. please understand, i cry and get out of whack when attending weddings, birthdays, or seeing grand-babies....but these kids love me and try their very best to include me in on their lives. i want to be there for them. {{{hugs}}} sweetie, you are wonderful. Jeff knows this and he knows that your love for him will never die. love you!
Colleen, I understand the guilt feelings of loving and caring for others. I often feel that way. But I also know that you did everything for Jeff and he knew your love for him when he was here and knows how your love for him will always be there no matter who else you care about. You are blessed with your other children and Jeff more than anyone would want you to share that love for them and you will never be cheating Jeff as he knows your love for him is for eternity. Love & Hugs, Kim
I agree with Karen it is a choice and one we have to make over and over again. I often feel if I\'m too happy or care too much about anyone person that would put them at risk. I know it\'s nuts but it\'s there. Moving on and having new priorities is what life is about but it\'s not easy. Love and hugs Cathy
Oh Colleen, like you, I keep having to remember that I still have my Jason here on this earth to think about. He lost his brother and he needs me around for as long as I can stay. Love and guilt gets me all mixed up! Hugs, B