January 27, 2010

5 months almost to the day.  I feel like I've come so far, so fast.  I read the entries from other DS'ers and see how after years at times they are still wrapped up in thoughts of their loss.  I truly, truly never think of him.  Is there something wrong with me?  I know I'm not in denial -- it's like I've just moved into this new space in life and am trying to figure it out.   One thing I do know is that I am NOT moving any time soon.  I have the house until at least October.  This winter has been absolutely brutal so far and I'm sure there's much more to come.  I hate it and I hate all the plowing and shovelling involved most of all.  But I love this house in the summer.  AND I like to cut grass.  So I am delaying looking for a place until at least the end of July so that I can have the best part of it since I had to deal with the worst of it all by myself.  If I can't find a house to buy I can always rent for a while until I do. I know that time is going to go fast.  When we moved into this house I said that my next move would be into the "home."  Wrong as hell on that one. Lots of plans to do fun things but all are at least 6 weeks away.  Just coasting through and freezing my ass off all the time.  Once you get that damp chill, it just won't go away.  I've taken more baths this winter than I have in the last 5 years.  Only thing that seems to work.

Replies

trisha9054
trisha9054

I know that chilled to the bone feeling when the weather is damp and too cold. The wind cuts right thru you. The only thing that will warm you up is a nice long hot bath.

You are in a good place now and I know you will continue with your healing. I\'m almost there and would be if I didn\'t have to deal with the ex. Someday soon I hope to be totally free of him. I so want a life without him ever again in it. But I love my farm.

Fun things to do sound great. Stay in your house as long as you can. I like the look of new cut grass. It looks so nice and tidy until it grow ragged and needs cutting again. Maybe we should all wish for an early spring. You are doing so good. Keep up the good work.
CowgirlKathi
CowgirlKathi

I also know what that chilled to the bone thing is...nasty! One good thing the X did in our married years was spring for a hot tub. And, of course, I got to keep it -- along with the farm and just about everything else!
But one of these days I think I will get tired of all the work and upkeep around this place and when that day comes, I will be looking to buy something where it\'s a lot milder climate year-round.
You are doing well, my friend and I am so proud of you!
GeocacherNY
GeocacherNY

yeah, after 6 months of separation I moved on, it was after my 1st post relationship didn\'t work out that I came to BU/D on DS.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Wow, it\'s great that you were able to take charge of your feeling, thoughts, and actions as opposed to them taking charge of you! You are a helluva woman, strong, and have huge conviction! I\'m proud of you, and you are a fine example for others to at least see, and witness, and know that there is the possibility of moving on!

Yeah, I agree about the house....and enjoying it a bit during the warm weather! That\'s when you can get out, breathe, and just commune with the sunshine and winds, and nature! That provides me a lot of peace and serenity!
deleted_user
deleted_user

I moved into an apartment. First times ever. On the top floor. didn\'t want anyone above me..Sometimes sounds come from below. but I looking down on a lot of people. Helps me deal.I miss a house. I so badly wanted a dog. My time will come. this winter I\'ve enjoyed my tubbies too. It truly helps me relax.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I feel like I\'m healing quickly too. There\'s nothing wrong with that. Just don\'t bury anything that should be dealt with now, that\'s how I feel. Deep cleaning (you posted on my journal) is absolutely right. Let\'s get it all out and move on. As for the cold, I just can\'t do it. I am keeping the house warmer than I should... I\'ll go back to extra, extra layers next winter. This is my first winter without hot flashes in a long time and I remember that there were times when they came in handy!