January 27, 2010
5 months almost to the day. I feel like I've come so far, so fast. I read the entries from other DS'ers and see how after years at times they are still wrapped up in thoughts of their loss. I truly, truly never think of him. Is there something wrong with me? I know I'm not in denial -- it's like I've just moved into this new space in life and am trying to figure it out. One thing I do know is that I am NOT moving any time soon. I have the house until at least October. This winter has been absolutely brutal so far and I'm sure there's much more to come. I hate it and I hate all the plowing and shovelling involved most of all. But I love this house in the summer. AND I like to cut grass. So I am delaying looking for a place until at least the end of July so that I can have the best part of it since I had to deal with the worst of it all by myself. If I can't find a house to buy I can always rent for a while until I do. I know that time is going to go fast. When we moved into this house I said that my next move would be into the "home." Wrong as hell on that one. Lots of plans to do fun things but all are at least 6 weeks away. Just coasting through and freezing my ass off all the time. Once you get that damp chill, it just won't go away. I've taken more baths this winter than I have in the last 5 years. Only thing that seems to work.