January 17, 2010

In the middle of a nasty cold.  I hate being sick.  Doesn't happen very often and it pisses me off, always has.  Spent the whole day sleeping and watching the most idiotic TV that you could imagine!  Should have put in a movie but didn't feel like doing all the remote crap that I have to do to play one, isn't that sad?  Every single thing STBX did or set up is like rocket science.  Could never, ever just do something simply like the rest of the world does.  He always wanted bigger, better, the best while I just wanted simple and working. I DID clean the pantry and wash all my sweaters so the day wasn't a total waste but I hope that I'm better tomorrow (today???) because I've had about all the downtime I can take.  Funny, but when I was with him I would go days and days in the winter and not see or talk to anyone but him or go anywhere at all.  Had no energy or desire..  Now there's so much I want to do and people to talk to and see.  I guess they were there all those years, I just didn't reach out??? I'm getting a tattoo Wednesday!!! Have wanted one since I was 16 but could never figure out where or what.  Didn't want to put it on a body part that would grow, lol.  But I finally decided to have it on theinside of my left wrist.  That way I can see it all the time, when I'm working or doing anything I would have to flip my hand over for anyone else to see it and I don't think my arm from wrist to elbow is going to ever get bigger.  The guy that I'm going to is quite the artist and very well known so it should be awesome.   As to where "I" am, looking forward to new things.  Hilton Head Island in March, Vegas in May (DS buddies keep watching your messages), renting a lakefront cottage for 2 weeks in July.  Knocking things off the Bucket List left and right and just pleasing me.   Losing the weight helped.  It wasn't much but it's enough to put me back 2 1/2 sizes and it's remarkable what a difference it's made.  Don't feel middle-aged anymore at all.  I was dying inside for 20 years and didn't even know it.  Confidence is back and so is JoAnn and it feels good.