January 14, 2010 - Session 1
Good morning everyone,
Dad had his lymph node surgery on Tuesday 1/11/11. Apparently he did really well and this should conclude his melanoma issues. I just hope that if something like this appears again, he will get this looked at earlier. He is a hurting guy right now but resting comfortably at home. They gave him a drain to fight off any viruses that might lerk. I think he'll have it on a week. Not sure.
Me, Its been a trying few weeks. My boss's boss came into my office last week Tuesday to talk to me about some of the April RN interns (senior group). Then she talked to me about how I have been feeling and whether I have talked about my issues dealing with all the surgeries, tests, diseases I have had this past year. She is also concerned that I am heading down the depression stage because I have been alittle "unkept". when she was in the office, I was ok. She even commented about my choice of work clothes. I sometimes like to wear these black knit pants (they are not bad, but not for work). she really does not want me to wear them and that she wants to improve the image of the department, especially when Jennifer (the new manager) is coming next week. I do agree with her on that, Arlene and I went shopping to Kohls a few weeks ago and I need to wear those clothes instead of what I am throwing on in the morning. I have been making stides in my appearance, its not easy because I hate to think about what to wear in the morning. I have been so use to wearing the 1st thing I see. The next day, Diane came into my office again, this time she commented on the tunic top I had on with my cord pants. I think I looked ok but she doesn't even want me to wear that either. I was wearing a necklace with it and I think I looked ok. I have about 10 tunic tops that I cannot wear to work anymore. Fine...told her that I plan on going to Kohls and buying a few tops. I wasn't feeling well on Friday so I called in. Went to Kohls on Saturday and found 3 tops reasonably priced. Diane even encouraged me to call the Employee Assistance Program which is free for employees. They are there for sessions to listen. I immediately emailed them and made an appt for 1/13 at 5pm. I think Diane has good intentions and knows that I haven't really addressed anything going on with me last year. I just kept getting hit with different things and never fully recovered. she was noticing that I was "unkept" and wanted to address that as well. I was in a spiral downward and didn't want me to suffer anymore. Jennifer will have a lot on her plate to have to deal with me so I decided to take care of this ASAP. I was vowing to make this week a better week - paying attention to my appearance, having a better outlook at work.
I went to the EAP last night and met with Judith. We went through some of my medical issues. She has been surprised that I had gone through all of that last year and with family sicknesses. she felt bad. We went through some of the meds I put on my admissions form and seems to think maybe the tamoxifen could be leaving me extremely depressed. I told her that I have missed 3 periods in a row and told me that the tamoxifen can do that. I expected it to happen within years 2-3 years. I haven't even gotten the dreaded "hotflashes" that contributes to the pill. We also talked about the PKD and how that is with me. I explained that I am not having any serious health issues with it and that I have my online support friends on DS to help me through any questions or concerns. I also explained about how my family is in denial about my kidney disease. Trying to get them tested is extremely difficult and its on my mind. I would at least like to know who my carrier is. Dad is being extrmely hardheaded about the whole thing. He refuses to get tested and thinks that what I have is in my head and that I have been reading "too much into it on the internet". My brother will get tested if he can sit still for 5 minutes (he travels for owork). My sister was tested but she was negative for PKD. I feel as though she still is borderline and I am hoping her doctor will continue to monitor her bloodwork. I also talked about my vitamin D levels being so low that I have been prescribed them. My # is/was 19. Then mentioned that I liked to stay home and felt "funny" leaving the house to do things. she suggested that I should just go out for an hour or so at a time to get out, even if its just for coffee or something with a friend. She asked me whether I felt like crying at times and told her yes, mostly at night and once in a while at work at my desk (thats rarely). Sleeping patterns? ok, somedays I wake up in the middle of the night and can't sleep (probably 2-3 nights). She said those are signs of clinical depression. She then asked me "what makes me the most depressed most of all". I couldn't think at the top of my head but I mostly feel like financial stuff makes me depressed. Im not bad but wish I had the money to do things and thats what makes me stay home, low funds. For homework, she told me to contact Roswell breast cancer center and speak to the NP about whether Tamoxifen can leave me depressed. Then to call over to the breast resource center to talk about antidepressives that I can take (I think its safe to take them together) and see if they have any support groups for breast cancer patients taking tamoxifen. I have to do this before my next session on the 24th. Relatively easy tasks. I was her last patient, it took an hour - didn't feel like it! We walked out of the building together. I was so drained when I got home.
Tonight is Rosanna's retirement party. Should be really nice. Looking forward to it. Judith was really encouraging that I was going. I also told her that I will be thinking about being home with Tika on my lap. She just said, not to worry - go enjoy myself - leave when I feel "uncomfortable". I feel so terrible that I turned into this, I never was like this before. when I lived at home in my early 20's I never wanted to be home and was out every single day after work. I guess everything is a work in progress, don't you agree?
Dad had his lymph node surgery on Tuesday 1/11/11. Apparently he did really well and this should conclude his melanoma issues. I just hope that if something like this appears again, he will get this looked at earlier. He is a hurting guy right now but resting comfortably at home. They gave him a drain to fight off any viruses that might lerk. I think he'll have it on a week. Not sure.
Me, Its been a trying few weeks. My boss's boss came into my office last week Tuesday to talk to me about some of the April RN interns (senior group). Then she talked to me about how I have been feeling and whether I have talked about my issues dealing with all the surgeries, tests, diseases I have had this past year. She is also concerned that I am heading down the depression stage because I have been alittle "unkept". when she was in the office, I was ok. She even commented about my choice of work clothes. I sometimes like to wear these black knit pants (they are not bad, but not for work). she really does not want me to wear them and that she wants to improve the image of the department, especially when Jennifer (the new manager) is coming next week. I do agree with her on that, Arlene and I went shopping to Kohls a few weeks ago and I need to wear those clothes instead of what I am throwing on in the morning. I have been making stides in my appearance, its not easy because I hate to think about what to wear in the morning. I have been so use to wearing the 1st thing I see. The next day, Diane came into my office again, this time she commented on the tunic top I had on with my cord pants. I think I looked ok but she doesn't even want me to wear that either. I was wearing a necklace with it and I think I looked ok. I have about 10 tunic tops that I cannot wear to work anymore. Fine...told her that I plan on going to Kohls and buying a few tops. I wasn't feeling well on Friday so I called in. Went to Kohls on Saturday and found 3 tops reasonably priced. Diane even encouraged me to call the Employee Assistance Program which is free for employees. They are there for sessions to listen. I immediately emailed them and made an appt for 1/13 at 5pm. I think Diane has good intentions and knows that I haven't really addressed anything going on with me last year. I just kept getting hit with different things and never fully recovered. she was noticing that I was "unkept" and wanted to address that as well. I was in a spiral downward and didn't want me to suffer anymore. Jennifer will have a lot on her plate to have to deal with me so I decided to take care of this ASAP. I was vowing to make this week a better week - paying attention to my appearance, having a better outlook at work.
I went to the EAP last night and met with Judith. We went through some of my medical issues. She has been surprised that I had gone through all of that last year and with family sicknesses. she felt bad. We went through some of the meds I put on my admissions form and seems to think maybe the tamoxifen could be leaving me extremely depressed. I told her that I have missed 3 periods in a row and told me that the tamoxifen can do that. I expected it to happen within years 2-3 years. I haven't even gotten the dreaded "hotflashes" that contributes to the pill. We also talked about the PKD and how that is with me. I explained that I am not having any serious health issues with it and that I have my online support friends on DS to help me through any questions or concerns. I also explained about how my family is in denial about my kidney disease. Trying to get them tested is extremely difficult and its on my mind. I would at least like to know who my carrier is. Dad is being extrmely hardheaded about the whole thing. He refuses to get tested and thinks that what I have is in my head and that I have been reading "too much into it on the internet". My brother will get tested if he can sit still for 5 minutes (he travels for owork). My sister was tested but she was negative for PKD. I feel as though she still is borderline and I am hoping her doctor will continue to monitor her bloodwork. I also talked about my vitamin D levels being so low that I have been prescribed them. My # is/was 19. Then mentioned that I liked to stay home and felt "funny" leaving the house to do things. she suggested that I should just go out for an hour or so at a time to get out, even if its just for coffee or something with a friend. She asked me whether I felt like crying at times and told her yes, mostly at night and once in a while at work at my desk (thats rarely). Sleeping patterns? ok, somedays I wake up in the middle of the night and can't sleep (probably 2-3 nights). She said those are signs of clinical depression. She then asked me "what makes me the most depressed most of all". I couldn't think at the top of my head but I mostly feel like financial stuff makes me depressed. Im not bad but wish I had the money to do things and thats what makes me stay home, low funds. For homework, she told me to contact Roswell breast cancer center and speak to the NP about whether Tamoxifen can leave me depressed. Then to call over to the breast resource center to talk about antidepressives that I can take (I think its safe to take them together) and see if they have any support groups for breast cancer patients taking tamoxifen. I have to do this before my next session on the 24th. Relatively easy tasks. I was her last patient, it took an hour - didn't feel like it! We walked out of the building together. I was so drained when I got home.
Tonight is Rosanna's retirement party. Should be really nice. Looking forward to it. Judith was really encouraging that I was going. I also told her that I will be thinking about being home with Tika on my lap. She just said, not to worry - go enjoy myself - leave when I feel "uncomfortable". I feel so terrible that I turned into this, I never was like this before. when I lived at home in my early 20's I never wanted to be home and was out every single day after work. I guess everything is a work in progress, don't you agree?
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