January

I havn't been here journaling for a while,  was caught up in school and family and things, but I feel like I need to vent, or I might do something really dumb.So iver the holidays, I went to visit my family for a week and then my husband's for a week. I'm from cali, my fam in co and his in Kentucky. Well, as we made our way back, we were supposed to stay in CO one day before driving home. I really missed my family, and I found out the start date for my school was being pushed back, so I decided to stay with my family for the rest of January. Big mistake!! I can't even begin to describe my horrible experience. First of all, they all think I am crazy because of my ED and my depression and my ADHD. My mom, step-dad, and two little sisters live here. Well, My sisters, because I have ED and all the other crap, just decide to talk down to me like they knew everything and I was just this dumb person. I had to walk on eggshells the whole time. If I said just one wrong word, it was over. Of couse, I wanted to BP and I did, a lot of times, but it got craqzy, they were getting so angryat me nd they would treat me like I just robbed a bank. Then of course was the case with my meds. My doc mailed them to me and because I wa out of state it took a week and a half to actually get the pills. And to top all that off, My husband left me with no money, because he always forgot to transfer money to my account and then the bank would take forever. Well, to make a long confusing story short, I am still here for a week with my family. I just hd a blow-up with them. It all started with me buy cANDY of couse to binge on. My mom caught me and told me to give it to her. My sisters were telling me that they weren't sure they were going to talk to me ever again, and also asking why can't I just stop? My sister actually told me that she was going to become bulimic to show me how easy it is to stop. After the store incident, my mom went to get gas. I thought that I was going to fool her and throw trash away saying that I was throwing away my binge food, . I thought it would work until she dug in the trash can and pulled it out. Now I know that you all on here understand about that desperate urge you get when you want to bp and someone is trying to stop you. I threw the actual binge food across the parking lot and told my mom not to talk to me. My sis told me to chill out and thats when I almost flipped out. I called them all bitches...and you know what? I meant it. The then told me that I was just upset because I always get what I want. Then my mom encouraged them to continue and told them that I was never going to change, even though I freaking threw o ut the binge food! I know you guys on here would understand how hard that is to do. It is even harder when you get no freaking support with it and just get put down all the time. The cherry on the cake was when my sis asked my mom when I was leaving. My mom said Sat and my sis said "I wish it was tomorrow." My mom said "I know but we have to wait. I feel lie I have no family right now, I m all alone tuck out here, I want to overdose on something and I def do not want to wake up tomorrow. I can't talk to my husband becase hes out with his friends, and I feel horrible for that relationship too because he never calls me and he has been going out all the time. I feel stuck, cornered, and hopeless, I have no friends to call and no one at all I mainly feel alone! I need someone to tell me that I'm not just one big waste of space on this earth because everyone I know right now is making me feel that way!