Jan 22,2011

my i am on the first day of my cycle i just wished it would stop i would never have another one..i started looking into my family tree on my dads side i know nothing about his dads side i never new my grandparents i was very small went they pasted
my husband said looking into my dads side of the family isnt going to make him love me and that maybe i was looking for a family that wanted me i dont know- my dad never new his dad he was killed in the mines in 1940 and his mom gave him away to her parents so i guess it is hard to show love but he did at one time it seem like after mom died my family went to hell in a hand basket..i was alright with the way things was until i went though my divorced my family took my ex husband side and i moved away i couldnt handle living in wv because of the ex telling everyone he was going to kill me so i got out of the red zone.but i guess after looking back on it i think ive been depressed for a while but in a different way(if that makes any point)i always got out and did things but now i just cant get out i dont want to i dont feel tired or nothing i just cant make myself do nothing...my outlook on life was IT IS WHAT IT IS...NOTHING EVER MESSED WITH ME..NOW I QUESTION EVERYTHING I WORRY ABOUT EVERY THING NOW IF SOMEONE PASTED AWAY THAT I JUST NEW IN PASTING IT WORRYS ME..I KNOW I CANT CHANGE PEOPLE BUT I ALWAY GOT THAT HOPE....I DONT KNOW MAYBE IT THE PMDD WORKING ON ME...WELL PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL