Jeff

Jeff is still dead. Does anything else really matter? Sadly, the answer is yes. Other things, other people must matter to me now. I have spent 28 years making sure Jeff was my number 1 priority. Even after his brothers were born, they were not sick like Jeff was.  Jeff was the most important. Was his heart beating, can you hear his mechanical valve ticking, is he too blue, does he have too many bruises from the coumadin, is his defibrillater working, is hIs pacemaker really pacing EVERY HEARTBEAT will he reject the new heart?
 
Now that Jeff has been gone for three years it is time for other people to matter to me. Why am I hesitating? Why do I feel like I'm cheating on the memory of my child if I care about someone, something else?