IVF #2 failed
So its official, IVF #2 failed.
I kind of expected it right from transfer day. I kind of expected that it might not work from the very start but I was gunning for some frozen embies to get me pregnant like last time, but with no frozen embies in this cycle the disappointment is so much greater.
I have this very real worry that because I fell pregnant with a frozen embie last time that, that is the only way I'll fall pregnant. I know it's silly but it's a real fear in my heart. And now I'm looking towards an IVF #3 and hoping, really really hoping that I get some frozen embies out of it (regardless of whether the fresh cycle is successful or not).
I'm also confused by the strictness in Australia. Well, confused may be the wrong word, I don't understand why in other countries they will freeze any embryo you have left from fertilisation, it doesn't have to be Grade A, they will just freeze the rest. I actually had 2 blastos that made it to day 5 but they were like Grade B and my clinic didn't think they would survive the freezing process so they didn't freeze them. Only Grade A's are frozen in Aus. But I know in other countries they freeze them anyway. It makes me think what if those embies worked. But then again maybe that's why we don't have the same worries of embies thawing incorrectly. I know, I'm rambling. I'm just disappointed, extremely disappointed and I'm looking for answers, blame, meaning. And I know that I won't find any right now, or may not ever. That's the bit that drives me crazy.
I have fears like what if I got pregnant as a fluke and it won't happen again, or what if it takes ages to finally get pregnant again and then when I do I miscarry again. Like fuck, I don't know if I could keep going with this journey if that happened.
Deep down inside though I know we'll have a baby, it's just I don't know when. And I really really hope it's not years from now. I don't want to be an 8 year veteran. I want it to be now, this year, soon.
So disappointed, I wish there was something I could do to guarantee a pregnancy and a full term baby but there isn't. And that is the worst bit, having no control at all.
I think I'll be off DS again for awhile. Not too long, just a bit. Just till I can breathe again.
I wish everyone luck in their cycles and beta tests. I hope it turns out better for you than it did for me.
I'm hoping for another cycle in October. I wish I could do it sooner, but I feel my body needs to rest and we need to save up more money.
Anyways I'll stop rambling now.
Till next time.
I kind of expected it right from transfer day. I kind of expected that it might not work from the very start but I was gunning for some frozen embies to get me pregnant like last time, but with no frozen embies in this cycle the disappointment is so much greater.
I have this very real worry that because I fell pregnant with a frozen embie last time that, that is the only way I'll fall pregnant. I know it's silly but it's a real fear in my heart. And now I'm looking towards an IVF #3 and hoping, really really hoping that I get some frozen embies out of it (regardless of whether the fresh cycle is successful or not).
I'm also confused by the strictness in Australia. Well, confused may be the wrong word, I don't understand why in other countries they will freeze any embryo you have left from fertilisation, it doesn't have to be Grade A, they will just freeze the rest. I actually had 2 blastos that made it to day 5 but they were like Grade B and my clinic didn't think they would survive the freezing process so they didn't freeze them. Only Grade A's are frozen in Aus. But I know in other countries they freeze them anyway. It makes me think what if those embies worked. But then again maybe that's why we don't have the same worries of embies thawing incorrectly. I know, I'm rambling. I'm just disappointed, extremely disappointed and I'm looking for answers, blame, meaning. And I know that I won't find any right now, or may not ever. That's the bit that drives me crazy.
I have fears like what if I got pregnant as a fluke and it won't happen again, or what if it takes ages to finally get pregnant again and then when I do I miscarry again. Like fuck, I don't know if I could keep going with this journey if that happened.
Deep down inside though I know we'll have a baby, it's just I don't know when. And I really really hope it's not years from now. I don't want to be an 8 year veteran. I want it to be now, this year, soon.
So disappointed, I wish there was something I could do to guarantee a pregnancy and a full term baby but there isn't. And that is the worst bit, having no control at all.
I think I'll be off DS again for awhile. Not too long, just a bit. Just till I can breathe again.
I wish everyone luck in their cycles and beta tests. I hope it turns out better for you than it did for me.
I'm hoping for another cycle in October. I wish I could do it sooner, but I feel my body needs to rest and we need to save up more money.
Anyways I'll stop rambling now.
Till next time.
Replies
I understand how you feel. I don\'t like the whole \"why\" and no control over IF -- let alone anything else in my life. I wish you wouldn\'t stay away from DS, but I certainly understand. I\'ll be thinking of you and hoping that you find some answers, get some peace, and come back rested and ready to tackle your next cycle. Take care!
Jaydee, I am so incredibly sorry. I wish there was something more I could say or do. I hope that taking some time away from DS, and off of IVF will help you. I don\'t think your last pregnancy was a fluke at all. I think it\'s a great sign that your eggs and his sperm did meet and the embryo did implant. I believe you will get pregnant again, and it will be a success. And if you feel they should be freezing your embryo\'s, can you request it? They are yours, so you should be able to put your foot down and demand they be frozen. Not sure of how things work in Aus, but follow your gut.
Sending lots of love your way and thinking of you.
You know where to find me when you\'re ready to come back. Just know that I\'m thinking of you. You WILL be a mother, and an amazing one at that. Look at all the sacrifices you\'ve already made for your baby! Your miracle is coming. xoxo
Thinking of you hun. I know you will be a wonderful mom someday, hopefully soon.