Ive had enough.
I'm writing this for my own benefit really so read if you will but dont try and make too my sense of it, i just need to let everything go.
I feel so tired and weary from trying to make everyone else happy. Im sitting here on a beautiful sunny day feeling like i just dont know where to go from here. I cant say that i like my daughter or my partner too much at the moment as to me they both seem like leeches that want more than i can give. I have tried all afternoon to talk to my daughter trying to tell her to stop being so selfish and she just tells me that i keep breaking promises and that she cant trust me as i keep letting her down. I have always been there for her and gave up work when she was younger so i could do the school plays, help at the school with the reading, swimming lessons and everything i could to make her feel secure as her dad and i parted when she was 3 due to the fact that he was an alcoholic and was making my life a misery and i wanted her to have the secure upbringing that i had. She had friends round for tea, we often had girlie days when it would be just the two of us and i never ever made her feel that i didnt love her unconditionally. So why now does she say i dont love her and she doesnt trust me not to leave her. I cant, just cant cope with her at the moment and i feel that the last 14 years when i have given her such a good start in life have all been a waste. There was so much i could have done, i had a fantasic career and was always away on different courses meeting people and had such a great future ahead of me and i just feel that i want to go back in time and carry on where i left off, to the days when everything was so simple, money was no object and i was happy......i want that all back, i have suffered enough with users, fairweather friends and an ungrateful child. Please dont tell me its her age as i know that and the times i have talked with her when she has been shouting at me for no reason and hugged her, let her cry on my shoulder and told her it was all going to be ok. So many kids out there have had such an awful time growing up but she hasnt....she has many friends, social activities that she loves and a very loving family. I cant and wont do this anymore i want out.
I feel so tired and weary from trying to make everyone else happy. Im sitting here on a beautiful sunny day feeling like i just dont know where to go from here. I cant say that i like my daughter or my partner too much at the moment as to me they both seem like leeches that want more than i can give. I have tried all afternoon to talk to my daughter trying to tell her to stop being so selfish and she just tells me that i keep breaking promises and that she cant trust me as i keep letting her down. I have always been there for her and gave up work when she was younger so i could do the school plays, help at the school with the reading, swimming lessons and everything i could to make her feel secure as her dad and i parted when she was 3 due to the fact that he was an alcoholic and was making my life a misery and i wanted her to have the secure upbringing that i had. She had friends round for tea, we often had girlie days when it would be just the two of us and i never ever made her feel that i didnt love her unconditionally. So why now does she say i dont love her and she doesnt trust me not to leave her. I cant, just cant cope with her at the moment and i feel that the last 14 years when i have given her such a good start in life have all been a waste. There was so much i could have done, i had a fantasic career and was always away on different courses meeting people and had such a great future ahead of me and i just feel that i want to go back in time and carry on where i left off, to the days when everything was so simple, money was no object and i was happy......i want that all back, i have suffered enough with users, fairweather friends and an ungrateful child. Please dont tell me its her age as i know that and the times i have talked with her when she has been shouting at me for no reason and hugged her, let her cry on my shoulder and told her it was all going to be ok. So many kids out there have had such an awful time growing up but she hasnt....she has many friends, social activities that she loves and a very loving family. I cant and wont do this anymore i want out.
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