Ive had enough.

I'm writing this for my own benefit really so read if you will but dont try and make too my sense of it, i just need to let everything go.
I feel so tired and weary from trying to make everyone else happy. Im sitting here on a beautiful sunny day feeling like i just dont know where to go from here. I cant say that i like my daughter or my partner too much at the moment as to me they both seem like leeches that want more than i can give. I have tried all afternoon to talk to my daughter trying to tell her to stop being so selfish and she just tells me that i keep breaking promises and that she cant trust me as i keep letting her down. I have always been there for her and gave up work when she was younger so i could do the school plays, help at the school with the reading, swimming lessons and everything i could to make her feel secure as her dad and i parted when she was 3 due to the fact that he was an alcoholic and was making my life a misery and i wanted her to have the secure upbringing that i had. She had friends round for tea, we often had girlie days when it would be just the two of us and i never ever made her feel that i didnt love her unconditionally. So why now does she say i dont love her and she doesnt trust me not to leave her. I cant, just cant cope with her at the moment and i feel that the last 14 years when i have given her such a good start in life have all been a waste. There was so much i could have done, i had a fantasic career and was always away on different courses meeting people and had such a great future ahead of me and i just feel that i want to go back in time and carry on where i left off, to the days when everything was so simple, money was no object and i was happy......i want that all back, i have suffered enough with users, fairweather friends and an ungrateful child. Please dont tell me its her age as i know that and the times i have talked with her when she has been shouting at me for no reason and hugged her, let her cry on my shoulder and told her it was all going to be ok. So many kids out there have had such an awful time growing up but she hasnt....she has many friends, social activities that she loves and a very loving family. I cant and wont do this anymore i want out. 
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

You know, hon, I so get this. My kids are very much the same. I have come to truly believe that the more we give, the more they want. That\'s the case here, anyway. And of course once they hit the teen years, we have done the damage by giving for so long, that it is now \"un-do-able\".

I can also understand the resentment, for a lost career, as we, again, give everything up for our kids. I did the same, and now am a little too weak and ill to do an 8 hour hospital shift again.

Please allow whatever you are feeling to just come, and feel the way you need to about things. Does this make sense? Don\'t beat yourself up for the way you are feeling.

I love you my friend. xo
ScaredandScarred
ScaredandScarred

Sometimes I think that children don\'t know how good they have it until they are out in the real world. I had friends at uni who didn\'t know the value of money because they had been given everything they had ever had a tantrum for. So paying bills was like an alien concept to them!
Just a thought but maybe there is something else that is really bugging her? Perhaps she has fallen out with a best friend who promised to be there forever or something which has made her feel insecure?
i saw on your post that you have sent her to live with your parents, and that is a good thing, she will have some space and maybe she will be able to tell you what is actually bothering her?

As Cinnamon said you should let any feelings you have to just flow out because otherwise it will fester and become poison. I can\'t say I know how you feel because I\'m not a parent, but I do think that you need to look after you first. Perhaps write your daughter a letter letting her know that when she is ready to talk you will listen to what is actually bugging her?

*gentle hugs*
xxxx
deleted_user
deleted_user

Sweetie, she has her path and you have yours.....go live yours....let her know, everyone has the right to their life....and to be happy. You do Milly......

I know sometimes I wish I could go back in time...like 3 year ago....and not of trusted someone fully for my future....someone I loved....that never showed up. I lost my job through recession and health and so much.....so, I know how ya feel....

Go live your life.......reset yourself, your goals, your balance with yourself.....I think would help you right now.....to get to reknow you.....

Its not just for you.......its for her too.....and everyone else around you.....

you have your life.....and love and support them
and they have theirs.....and let them fly....and support them....

take what ya like and just sharing....I understand....its how I\'ve felt too ......

glad you let your feelings out....and talked about it.....hugs to you...........and be kind to you......your a very nifty gal....and alot to give.....with lots of talents and gifts.......dear one.....

Love and peace to you....with hugsssssss.....
deleted_user
deleted_user

angelspiritwalker wrote: \"\"Go live your life.......reset yourself, your goals, your balance with yourself.....I think would help you right now.....to get to reknow you.....

Its not just for you.......its for her too.....and everyone else around you.....

you have your life.....and love and support them
and they have theirs.....and let them fly....and support them.... \"\"


I totally agree with this...very well said!!

{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}} sweety....you deserve nothing but the best and nothing but love and respect. Demand it. No child is ever too old to learn to respect others. Much love to you xxx
SkiesOnFire
SkiesOnFire

I know you\'re tired. I know you know the reasons she\'s acting so ungrateful. I agree with Scared...she is probably doing a bit of projecting. She\'s terribly afraid of losing you---maybe she\'s done something SHE feels guilty and stupid for doing---that, or someone\'s broken her heart---we don\'t figure these things out until a little reality crosses our path a few times. And yes, she\'s got raging, insane hormone things happening. She probably WOULD BE clinically insane, if she were to go to an assessment with a shrink right now---MOST teens actually would be. IT\'S NORMAL.

Fortunate for grownups, we know how to be rocks, how to stand strong through a storm, and how to be patient, because things WILL be alright. We know how to do that even when we\'re exhausted. Because it\'s all we can do, and we know it\'s needed, and very, very important.

Pull back a little. But let her know, she can come to you with anything. I still believe those are the most important words a mother can say to her children.

And partner? Definitely pull back. Men seriously get spoiled so fast...don\'t even get me started. He shouls seriously know better. ESPECIALLY as you\'ve got a whirling dervish living under your roof right now.

Hugs....sometimes, no---OFTEN!!!!---our niceness seems to get us absolutely nowhere. But it plants seeds that will affect people for years to come---in a good way. That\'s all we can bank on.

Love you, sweetie. Take some time to feed your spirit. You are lovely. OOX
milly17
milly17

Ladies, can i just say i am so overwhelmed by your advice and comments....i didnt think anyone would want to read my rantings as i just came here to get it all out and didnt think it even made much sense.....thank you so much for commenting and all seems to be back to normal at the moment, if its ever normal in a house with teenagers:).....daughter and i have had a good chat but she still cant understand why i was hurt by what she said to me, but i guess its all part of being a mum. I am so proud of her normally as she is everything a parent could want in a child, but now and again it just gets a bit much and things were said by us both, spiteful things which had to be put right and in our chat we made things right and i assured her that unless the inevitable happens i will always be there for her....thanks again guys, love youxxx
winny
winny

shes a teen. they lash out at those they love most or, as in this case, say stupid stuff they dont realise hurts. its sometimes a case of biting ur tongue and telling urself they dont mean it---cos they dont. truly. they just havent learnt the art of tact and diplomacy.
overall shes a great kid, like mine. if it helps u feel better my best friend truly has teen from hell. often tells her mum \\\"shut up u fat ugly cow\" and stays out getting drunk etc. seeing what shes like makes me appreciate millie more and more lol.