Ive failed again

I feel wild, untamedbroken, unclaimedsad and ashamedI have failed again. Lost and confusedtwisted inside, and useduseless, and abusedI failed again.  Shattered, and cryingI feel like hidingsolves nothing by dyingbut I have failed again. I want to screamI want to hit something I want to hideI cant face myself right now. I can't stand myselfI can't stand othersI can't stand those who love meand I don't know why. Im scaredIm angryI'm a failureI'm crying. I've tried to be strongGod knows I haveI cant be strong foreverNo one can.  I feel hollowI feel coldI feel uselessI feel old.  I feel expendableI feel like trashI feel like nothing mattersI feel so bad.  Another job turned me downwhat a fuckin surpriseI tried my very hardestbut it doesn't matter now. My dad makes sure I knowthat I failed him yet againbut all I do is tryI try for him. I'm losing this battleI'm afraid of what I'll doI can't be alone right nowbut thats all I want to do.  My books don't make me happyanymore. I can't forge a smileI don't want to hear musicand Ive failed again. I try to be the best at anything I doI try my very hardest toobut nothings ever good enoughnot in my life anyway. FUCK! I know I need helpI know I can't fight this aloneI know I am tired of feeling this wayI'm tired of failing.  I want to workI want to own my own carI want to have a place of my very ownI hate asking for anything.I hate that I have to rely on my 50 year old father still. I hate that I can't pull my own weight. I hate myself. I need help. I failed again.