its friday...first session last night

so i had a cold all week and i feel better but my throat still sore and i lost my voice...yuck! i have soooo much going on this weekend! tonight i'm going out with my girfriend and several other friends, tomorrow we are going out with my parents, sunday with my girlfriends parents...then next week we are going to KY for the hourse races! i should be looking forward to all this and yet here i sit....worried/anxious/sad still about the same old thing...that stupid condo! i mean, come on! the problem is if it wasn't that i'm sure it would be something else that i would focus on...unreal! God help us all who has to live with this illness...it truly is a self induced hell so on to my first therapy session...i think it was good! i unloaded everything and she mostly listened. she suggest i talk to my doctor about finding the right medication. i tried a couple about a month ago but the side effects were bad. i have an appointment tuesday. why can't i just think like a normal person? why does everything have to be negative....why do i have to worry about everything and play out worst case scenarios about everything? i pray to God therapy works and i can find a med that helps without nasty side effects or addiction. my DS friends (love to you all!) seem to like paxil...my mom uses prozac. i wish we could all just live a nice happy normal life! my mom is so much better then she was a couple of years ago...that you Lord! my DS friends seem to be a lot better too...once again....thank you Lord! i pray i can get some peace soon...i know everyone is praying and supporting me right now...thank you all! my situation will not change for a long time (2 years minimum probably longer) so i need to change the way i look at things. this may be a blessing in the long term since i'm finally getting help after dealing with it on my own for so long. the empty hopeless feeling is the worst. it seems i can't sleep anymore without a benadryl. otherwise i toss and turn. every morning all i see is another sad empty day. i have no reason to feel this way! God i have some many good things in life why can't i focus on the good and positive!! instead i have laser focus on the one big negative that brings me nothing but sad hopeless feelings.  i know this is not right. this is not the way anyone should ever feel and i would not wish this on my worst enemy. these feelings are bringing me down...i can't eat or sleep. work is hard enough but this makes it 10X harder! nothing seems to spark my interest and i don't look forward to anything. i should look forward to this weekend with all my family & friends! i should look forward to next week in KY at the horse races!! these are good fun things! i know they are for Gods sake yet i feel little if anything in the way of happiness... someday soon i will be better and lead a normal life again. i've been plagued off and on for so many years but this time its come to a head. i have to shake this soon...this is the worst its ever been and i have to beat it once an for all!  i'm draining myself and my family/friends. i'm sure having this cold isn't helping but not eating/sleeping is going to cause worse issues if i'm not careful. anyway...its really nice and sunny today. i'm going for a walk soon for my lunch break. i hope this helps my mood.... God please give me and my family/friends peace...