its broken, im broken

Today was my aunts funeral it was a lovely service. It was hard to say goodbye. I saw my cousions gf who is due in the same month i was. I had to sit there aand listen to him tell my mum they had a scare about 6 weeks ago bc his gf started bleeding and they thought she was loosing the baby at this stage i just burst in2 tears. They thought it was 4 my aunty though, What really pissed me off was 10 mins later i saw her outside smoking its just not fair y did god take my baby n not hers. I feel like such a bitch 4 saying that but i was doing everything right i was a smoker but gave up the min i found out i was pregnant Itss just not bloody fair. Y couldnt i be the 1 still pregnant. Im so evil 4 even thinking that.I ordered a porcelain figure of an angel carrying a baby for Macy i got it in the mail today and it was broken im so mad that they didnt take care of it but the surprising thing is I always knew i would get it broken so i wasnt surprised at all when i opened it.I was suposed to go 2 work today but told them i wasnt coming still havent decided if im going 2mro. If it wasnt 4 the money it would be easier to just leave.Still not getting any sleep at night its 3:27am still awake i think it has a major effect on my  mood.I found a white angel teddy i brought when I was Pregnant with Macy its sitting on my lap right now i think i will sleep with it  tonight. I still have the baby clothes i brought 4 her in my wardrobe i hhavent had the strength to look at them. I dont know what to do with them do i return them, keep them 4 another baby, donate them or just put them away?