Its been a year now

Joe
I made it to the one year mark and what would have been our 2nd annivesary..we never even got to celebrate the first one before you left me. Now i start the 2nd round of holidays only this year it hurts worse.
I cannot remember last year, you passed right before thanksgiving and xmas and I must have been in shock, but now I feel it all...I just cannot get the feeling of buying gifts or family dinners..even with kids. I dont want anyone to sit in your seat, ever.
I am in a new widows group too now and they are all dating each other? It is so strange to see. I pray they really have foudn love and it is just not a longing for company. I cannot imagine being with anyone else Joe. You were the love of my life..with all our ups and downs...those last years and our finally saying I do...were the best years of my life.
Our grandbaby is due in a few months and my joy is overwhelmed with fear of you not being here to enjoy it. I know now that you are in my heart always and will forever be around me watching me.The reading from Kathleen in London and allowing you to talk to me has eased my heart so much.  I know you are relieved to have told me what you needed to and I hope you feel at peace now. I will do as you say and put your family aside. I have tried and they do not want me and you were so right about all you told me while you were here. I love you for eternity and beyond baby, Me