its been a long few days......

Home!! After a few days in the hospital Im finally home. Well I started having contractions over the weekend but we had many plans as my in-laws where in town and I had some fun activities planned. I was hoping the power of ignoring would will the contractions away, but no such luck. Dh came home from London Tuesday afternoon. I was in quite a bit of pain and he urged me to call the doctor but I kept saying ill call them tomorrow. Well I started getting stabbing pains in my back with them. I felt the knifes going in and out with all every contraction. They were maybe 30 seconds apart. At this point I was in so much pain I was crying so hard. Dh never has seen me like this and I was crying in front of Ian. He was scared. I was scared. I knew these were serious contractions. I call my doctors and he pretty much is pissed I have let it get this bad and orders me to L&D. While there they give me 3 shots to stop the contractions and the first of 2 shots to mature the babies lungs. I get to go home around 10:30ish pm Tuesday night. They tell me to go see my doctor the next day. SO I get up and call my doctors first thing Wednesday morning. They tell me to come in ASAP. So no shower and off I go to the doctors. At this point im having painfull back contractions again. They test my urine and I have protein in it. They measure my cervix and say its shortening. My BP is elevated so off to l&d I go again. They allow me to drive home so Dh can drive me to the hospital. I call my MIL and she is headed straight to the airport. I get to l&d and get hooked up and the contractions ate every 3-4 minutes apart. Much worse than I thought. I get another shot but them my heart rate goes crazy and they cant give me anymore. So they switch me to Procardia. I had this drug when pregnant with Ian and it sucks. But it doesn’t help at all. So I start getting double and triple doses to stop them. They are crazy how all over they are. I will go 10-15 minutes with none then bam bam bam. Every time we think they were under control they would go crazy. So they wont let me go home. Yesterday I have to go to the high risk doctor located in the hospital for a 2nd opinion on my shortened cervix. Well we get good news there, my cervix is fine baby is fine measuring 2lbs 10oz. We even got 3 really cute 4d pictures. She looks like me!!!! Nothing like her brother did at that age. That made me smile. The doctor finally said if I can get my contraction to less than 3 a hour then I can go home. Finally around 4pm they are there and I get to go home. But im on bed rest and medicine. I couldn’t wait to get home. I missed my son so much. I have never gone that long without seeing him. Im suppose to take the procardia every 6 hours but I usually cant go that long because if I have more than 5 contractions an hour I have to go back to the hospital. So im taking it every 4ish hours. I have orders for home health monitoring. They will come out here and hook me up to monitors at home and watch my contractions. Im super stressed about that. Because Im scared they will send me back to the hospital. They will be out today or tomorrow. I am suppose to fly out to GA next Thursday and stay a few weeks. I go to the doctors Wednesday and will try to convince them to let me. But I doubt it. I feel so bad. My MIL is out here because DH has to work. My niece has her 1st b-day party next Sunday and Im scared my MIL will miss it because of me. I am having so much guilt about how much I am inconviancing everyone. I hate it. Its so hard to be home and not be able to take care of my son. Not cook my own food ask for the most simple things. Not in my personality at all. My contractions are back full force right now. It feels like my milk is trying to come in. Im scared to death and you girls are the only one I can talk to because if I tell my family I will be shipped off to the hospital again. And I cant do that again right now. They were not even letting me take a shower at the hospital.