It won't let me change my face-but it would be orange.

deleted_user 08/02/2011
Great job for getting out there. I think the biggest problem about your lunch is the part where you were trying to be like everyone else! Maybe this early in your recovery, you can do things with people for a set amount of time like plan something that feels safe right after a social occasion. And if it does include food plan on what you will have ahead of time so you dont have to be so uncomfortable after??

deleted_user 08/02/2011
awh, the future is scary, but also extremely exciting. bad things may happen, but same goes for good things.at least you ate what u did. eat what makes you feel good. you dont need to eat to \"fit in\" just eat till you are satisfied. sorry you\'re feeling so shitty. we all have crap days. i really do hope tomorrow is better for you. and when you\'re feeling anxious... maybe go excercise to kep your mind off of it/.? or go out or anything. take care bud

Soph827 08/02/2011
Im sorry eating out was so tough for you today i understand it usually triggers me into a b/p hugs

jasgall 08/02/2011
eating out can be tough, especially when you\'re early on in your recovey or in a rough patch. personally, i do whatever it takes to eat a meal. sometimes, that means spending some money and ordering in. (food prep freaks me out and sometimes triggers me. if i am in the kitchen too long, i start comparing calorie amounts and restricting.) sometimes, that means allowing myself to be aware of how many calories are in that sandwich so i can temporarily put my mind at ease and eat a small meal. sometimes, that means \"starting small and building\". maybe i can\'t handle a big burger and green beans, but i can start with a yogurt and maybe work up to a small meal, listening to my body while i\'m doing this. don\'t eat what everyone else eats. what do you like? make a list of foods you enjoy and/or don\'t feel guilty after eating. the list may be small at first, but it will grow as you learn how to eat right and treat your body well.

CarlaBent 08/02/2011
I said almost that exact same thing to someone earlier today/last night!! I said that I think that some people just aren\'t made for life. Certainly, some people never do manage to find happiness. What a terrible shame.

But don\'t give up yet. Don\'t give up, ever. Some people don\'t find happiness until later in life. I had happiness for the first five years of my life. Then, I found it again, when I was in my twenties, in therapy. Then lost it again, when the Bipolar hit. Now it comes and goes.

You\'re working on overcoming the obstacles in your life that are keeping you from being happy. It\'s hard work but it\'s so worth it!!! That\'s how the therapy helped me when I was in my early twenties. I was too fragile at that age. I couldn\'t function normally. I couldn\'t deal with the feelings. I learned how to do all that, in therapy. It didn\'t come all at once, the healing and the learning, but little by little.
A half of a grilled cheese sandwich and a few fries is just the kind of food that would be likely to trigger anxiety, I think. But in reality -- if you can stop and try very hard to think about it for what it really is, rather than what it represents to you, it isn\'t very bad. It\'s not the end of the world. It hasn\'t undone all the times that you ate right.

Feeling fat is terrible. I know. I AM fat, right now. From my meds. It\'s all relative. Some people are thinner than me. Some are heavier. I\'ve weighed a lot less than I do now. I was at the perfect weight and I STILL felt fat. That is the sickness talking. Blinding us from the truth.

You must work on seeing the truth for what it is, at least as best as is possible for any of us to do. Doing so does NOT mean that you have to gain weight. It doesn\'t work that way.

The problem is not the food, even though it seems it\'s all about the food. It\'s other things in your life that you need to work on. As those parts become healthier, so will your eating habits. Others have overcome their EDs and you can, too. You need to learn how to deal with all the feelings that come up with you. BP makes it tougher, but it can be done.

Please don\'t give up yet. Not for a long time yet. It\'s hard not to want it to all be fixed right now, right at this instant, but it just doesn\'t work that way. As you journal, be sure you write down any and all progress that you make. Not progress in losing weight or with what you eat, but progress in thinking clearly and seeing your illness for what it is.

Your health, on all fronts, has to be your first priority. It\'s not fair and it stinks. You should just be having fun and enjoying life at your age, not worrying about so many things. But life threw you a curve ball there and because of it, your enjoyment may be somewhat delayed. But make no mistake. Even if you can\'t see being happy right now, it IS within you to become so!!!! Keep plugging along in trying to get healthy, and you will get there!!! (((((Hugs)))))

TroJanThunder 08/02/2011
VERY well spoke CarlaBent. I too have those feelings of not being meant for this world the way it is.

There are many of us who see and feel the incredibly silly injustice of life and lament over what we can\'t change about it.

Then we see the others who can sail through life and barely notice! GHAAAAAAAAGH!

It\'s not the easiest way to be in the world. We have it tougher than those who are so blind they cannot see!

But despite the pain I am really GLAD I can see! I believe it has made me a better friend and a more authentic person.

Have you ever heard the expression, you can be IN the world without being OF the world?

That\'s how I see myself!

Get back into theater. Song and creativity. Do what you love.

deleted_user 08/02/2011
some really good advice on here, i can\'t give good advice because im too \'messed up\' , but I read all the comments and advice and try to persuade myself to try out things that are suggested ((hugs)) x