It's September

Sept 24, 

Almost the end of Sept and it's almost time to empty out my plate in the next 2 months starting in October. With my surgery in my right eye in hopes to gain my vision in that eye I would be grateful. But for now I am working on rebuilding my credit , paying off a few cards, and the computer o should see an increase in my score. 

But things back with the ex aren't someone still is causing problems don know who is behind the scenes but I wish they will stop , but on the other hand it could be her doing it as well.I just don't know and I don't want to speculate. She thinks it's Laura trying to get back at me for not comming to her, but from what merle tells me she devorsed her husband for hitting Nick,  if I knew about it he would have had to deal with me , but again I haven seen nick nor Laura ever since I have moved back down. But as it stands they haven't bothered to look , besides I don't think they would want to have anything to do with me, as Danielle. But I wish the games would stop , them yelling her that I have aids or I'm HIV positive. After all theses years you would have thought with something like that I would have told her. I just don't want to be bothered with her game if she is playing . 

On another note it's been 13 days since I have started 4mg of estradiol so far I feel nothing , I got better results when I was taking esterfem , not estradiol.  I do have to try harder to get a therapist to help me to understand myself a little more for the reason why I'm doing this and why my mind and body are now in peace ever since I started HRT I don't feel dirty anymore like I use to any more

update:

17 days since i have started 4mg. I had to put off on starting my counsel on vredit repair in hopes to get it on track. So iwill have some funds available to pay something on my eye surgery which will expand into November, i am terrified in getting it done but if i dont i will go blind, which i dont want that. I have started to feel periotic sensation in my left chest but nothing fantastic about. its not the same feelng i had when i self medicated.

Im sad to say that i still havent been able to reach my kids to try to explain my reason why I left thier mom, if and when i do i will be my true self, i just hope that they will accept me. I did expect the phone to be blown up again as i found out that Annette lost her job at Wendy's . 

So this is what i have planned for October, a consultation with the plastic surgeon on breasts implants including see if he or she does laseer hair removal just to see if im a candant for them. Also looking into permanate eye brow sculture so i wouldnt have to worry about that mop across my eyes.

I still have people call me sir which is starting to aggravate me. the people at Arbys have been very supportive. it is a better atmosphere compaired to the store in Chi when you have kids as managers. 

i still get some periods of overwhelming of saddness when i food shopping that i start to cry just thinking about the kids  granted i wasnt able to do things with them with her having me working everyday one way or anothe and when i am off from both im to tired to do anything.

I paid off Fingerhut even though it was a small amount charged to the account that goes for the same with Victoria's Secrets to which i couldnt believe that i got one out of the 3 credit agencies experian has me past 600 at 615 the rest is 580. I just love Victoria's Secrets but trying to have selfcontroll in refraining from max the card is difficult but im managing it .

so i think i will close out this month unless something dramatic happens I will update it .