It's Over, It's Done and It Fricking Hurts...
Well folks, it is with a very heavy heart that I have to say that my ex-fiance left yesterday as to fly back home to Ohio, and move back in with her parents. I'm trying to move along from all of this the best I can, but the moving on part is coming very slowly, my mind feels like it's in a shambled fog, my heart feel like it's been put into a food processor, my gut's are churning and I'm having a very hard time today not playing the "blame game" on myself.
I'm just fricking stumped as to why I would have allowed myself to keep lying to my ex-fiance, all the well knowing that if any of my lies ever came up to the surface, and they were seen for what they truly were, I knew that her leaving me was a viable option.
Now, I sit here inside an empty home, a home without her and I ponder "what the hell is there to do"? I have tried to motivate myself several times today, to get off my feeling bad ass, and let's get some stuff handled around the house. I did make several key changes to the inside of my home, kind of change things around as to better help me with the memories with her, before this change. So I re-arranged my living room, changed the dinning space a little and maybe some time tonight I'll get to work on altering the kitchen, as to help with the memories factor.
I know that things between my "ex" and myself were terrible and tension filled, but at least she was still here. I do so miss the times before her choice to leave was made, the 13 months of a living with the one you love days, I miss those "good ole" days extremely, but even through the bed times these past 2.5 weeks, I at least still had her here. Now that she's totally gone, it feels like there a deep void now inside the home and inside my heart.
Well I should go eat something, really haven't eaten that good today, "hit & miss" styled eating. Then I think I'm going to jump on the kitchen and try to make some changes in there.
This is just damn hard!
I'm just fricking stumped as to why I would have allowed myself to keep lying to my ex-fiance, all the well knowing that if any of my lies ever came up to the surface, and they were seen for what they truly were, I knew that her leaving me was a viable option.
Now, I sit here inside an empty home, a home without her and I ponder "what the hell is there to do"? I have tried to motivate myself several times today, to get off my feeling bad ass, and let's get some stuff handled around the house. I did make several key changes to the inside of my home, kind of change things around as to better help me with the memories with her, before this change. So I re-arranged my living room, changed the dinning space a little and maybe some time tonight I'll get to work on altering the kitchen, as to help with the memories factor.
I know that things between my "ex" and myself were terrible and tension filled, but at least she was still here. I do so miss the times before her choice to leave was made, the 13 months of a living with the one you love days, I miss those "good ole" days extremely, but even through the bed times these past 2.5 weeks, I at least still had her here. Now that she's totally gone, it feels like there a deep void now inside the home and inside my heart.
Well I should go eat something, really haven't eaten that good today, "hit & miss" styled eating. Then I think I'm going to jump on the kitchen and try to make some changes in there.
This is just damn hard!
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