It's Official

It's official the Restraining Order is no longer in effect. I can see my children when ever I want, I can walk down any street and don't have to fear what if my ex starts walking towards me how do I hide. I can talk to my old neighbors and friends. I can even go visit them in their homes. YEAH! Now the hard part begins. I must re-make friends with old neighbors, change my driving and shopping habits. I can go to the bank when ever I want. I have to make my children understand he can't have me locked up in jail anymore. They can talk to me, be nice to me, whatever they want. But they are comfortable not having me around. Always thinking of me as the "bad"guy. They are completely brainwashed by the ex, now. So the road is virtually impossible to move on. I will try my best. I will do what ever is needed. But it could be pointless as they are now"adults" and believe he is their only hope and the only one who truly loves them. I supposedly just get angry with them no matter what they do. But dear old dad never says "boo" to them. He just gives them money. I know someday they will realize there is more to living than just money. But will I still be a live to see it let alone know it. I can't bear living the rest of my life alone without them. I can't stand the thought that the day after I am gone, they will suddenly step a way from him. But then because he is all they have left, they will continue to be with him even though they know they should have been with me. I HATE DIVORCE. I NEVER DIVORCED MY CHILDREN. BUT THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED. I NEVER CHEATED ON MY HUSBAND, I NEVER STOLE FROM HIM. I NEVER ANYTHING HIM BUT LOVED HIM. I DON'T WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN BECAUSE I WAS GOOD NO MATTER WHAT. I WANT TO LIVE WITH MY KIDS NOW!!!!!