It's not ok.
More of the same. You're hurting, so you circle the wagons around you and the kids an I'm an outsider. You never did this to Joanna. You never forced her to be on the outside.
Once we make a decision to be a certain way, we have to keep it. You're the volatile one, you're the one who is changing from one moment to the next. It's classic attachment issues to look at the prospect of someone being close, even when you're hurting and running the other way. You're the one preventing me from building relationships with the boys, not Joanna, so it can be easier on you to close me out, to run away, to leave.
So I'm the one who gets hurt, I'm the lowest on the totem pole and I have to take the pain and the consequence for your fears and hurts. It's the same pattern, hold up the kids so I won't attack, when it has nothing to do with the kids. It's always been that.
So much for mattering, being appreciated, allowing my influence and support. So much for being equal patterns and not being put in my box. Stay away little girl, I know what is best.
It's not my job to make what you do ok. It's not my job to make you ok. It's not my job to make you feel better or to make your fears, anger, and hurt go away. It's not my job to tell you that you are doing more destructive actions that will just make you feel worse in the end, that you are actively destroying yourself, them, and us.
Fucking wake up. I'm beyond tortured and played and beat up. I'm beyond stalling my life and decisions and having so much integrated and influenced by you. I'm done. I'm done with this merry go round, this roller coaster you still are putting me on. Fuck you for calling me volatile when it was your projection of yourself all along. Fuck you for projecting all your negative stuff onto me as I'm trying to sort through my own.
Once we make a decision to be a certain way, we have to keep it. You're the volatile one, you're the one who is changing from one moment to the next. It's classic attachment issues to look at the prospect of someone being close, even when you're hurting and running the other way. You're the one preventing me from building relationships with the boys, not Joanna, so it can be easier on you to close me out, to run away, to leave.
So I'm the one who gets hurt, I'm the lowest on the totem pole and I have to take the pain and the consequence for your fears and hurts. It's the same pattern, hold up the kids so I won't attack, when it has nothing to do with the kids. It's always been that.
So much for mattering, being appreciated, allowing my influence and support. So much for being equal patterns and not being put in my box. Stay away little girl, I know what is best.
It's not my job to make what you do ok. It's not my job to make you ok. It's not my job to make you feel better or to make your fears, anger, and hurt go away. It's not my job to tell you that you are doing more destructive actions that will just make you feel worse in the end, that you are actively destroying yourself, them, and us.
Fucking wake up. I'm beyond tortured and played and beat up. I'm beyond stalling my life and decisions and having so much integrated and influenced by you. I'm done. I'm done with this merry go round, this roller coaster you still are putting me on. Fuck you for calling me volatile when it was your projection of yourself all along. Fuck you for projecting all your negative stuff onto me as I'm trying to sort through my own.
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