it's not getting any better.

my eating problems, trich, anxiety, depression... it's all getting out of control. i have skipped 3 of my last acting classes because of it all. i just wake up in the morning and cannot bare being in front of people looking the way i do. if i eat in the morning i just won't show up to class because i feel like that's all people see: my weight. like they can see everything i've eaten. they can see me gaining weight. and i can feel it, too. every time i take a bite i feel heavier. like it's wrong to be hungry.
and then the trich.... i have a bald spot again. it's no bigger than my thumb, but it's still there. and there's no one i can blame but myself.
all of this just makes the depression worse. i don't want to get out of bed, i never have energy to do anything. and i know all of this could have been prevented if i would have just pulled the goddamn trigger 4 years ago. but i can't go back and i can't do it now. so i just have to wait. maybe it's just because of the season changing i'm like this, but i don't know... i just want it all to fucking stop...