It's Just the Beginning

I had surgery on December 27th for my HS. It was probably the most painful thing I have ever experienced. I had 15 stitches & a drain coming out of my side. I felt helpless. I haven't been able to work since the surgery & I thought I was recovering nicely, that is until the other day. I was stretching out my arm & I felt a little 'pop' & was relieved of pressure. Sure enough, one of my stitches came apart & I was draining from my armpit. That screwed with my head a lot, I thought it was going to take a little more than two weeks to come back. Currently, I have 3 holes in my armpit that leak, non stop. I don't know how to stop that. 

I think the worst part about it is how bad it messes with your mind. I feel defeated. I feel like I'm so alone in this. I can't wrap my head around dealing with this for the rest of my life, it seems unrealistic. I don't want to put myself through another surgery, because the next one is a skin graft. That sounds like a death sentence to me. This is just the beginning of trying to find a way to rid this awful disease. This is just the beginning of the nightmares that lie ahead. This is just the beginning of trying to accept it.